Page 107 of Betrayal and Vows

She cups my shoulders, meeting my eyes in the mirror. “It has to be okay, Lena.”

“But it isn’t!” I whirl around, the fabric flaring around me like a furious cloud. “I don’t love him. He’s a horrible man.”

She sighs like I’m a toddler throwing a tantrum. “You will learn how to control him.”

I snort. “Mikhail will never be controlled by anyone. Certainly not me.”

“Lena, women have to be smarter. We are given certain powers that we must learn to wield to our benefit. Be soft. Win him over. And then, he will be on his knees to make you happy.”

That breakfast she forced me to eat earlier threatens to make a reappearance. “I will never.”

"You will," she says firmly. "Because you have to. Because there's no other option."

I shake my head violently. "You don't understand what he's like. The things he's said to me, the way he looks at me?—"

"I understand perfectly." Her voice is hard. Cutting. "Do you think your father was gentle when we first married? Do you think any of these men are?"

I've never thought about my parents' early marriage. Never wondered what their beginning looked like.

"Your father was... difficult. Demanding. He had a temper." She smooths an invisible wrinkle from my skirt. "But I learned his moods. I learned when to speak and when to stay quiet. When to touch him and when to give him space."

"That's not love," I whisper. "That's survival."

"Sometimes they're the same thing." Her hands still on the fabric. She leans close, her lips inches from my ear. "You think love is what you feel for your bodyguard. That fire, that desperation. But that kind of love burns everything down, Lena. It destroys."

My chest tightens at the mention of Anton. "Don't."

"A smart woman learns to bank those flames. Channel them. Use them." She moves behind me again, adjusting the train. "Mikhail is dangerous, yes. But dangerous men have weaknesses too. Find his."

"And if I can't?"

“You will.”

I swear I’m being suffocated. The dress is too heavy. Too tight. My hair is pinned half up and it feels like every pin is stabbing into my skull.

Would death be better?

“I can’t do this. I love Anton.”

“Shhh.” She presses a finger to her lips. “Lena, the walls have ears. Do you understand me? You are never alone here. Not really.”

I can feel the tears breaking free. “Then help me get out. Please, Mom. Sneak me away. Find Anton. He’ll protect me. He'll take care of me.”

She looks away, her hands clenching into fists at her sides. “You have to have faith.”

Faith? I release a bitter laugh. “Faith won’t get me out of this cage.”

She reaches for me again, adjusting the sleeves. Her hand slides down, pulling at the gauze that is threaded with silver strands all the way to my wrist.

“What’s that?” She points to my hand.

The ring. Anton’s ring. His mother’s.

I forgot I was still wearing it on my right hand. I can’t bring myself to take it off.

Mikhail may put his ring on my left hand, but in my mind, my marriage will always be to the man I truly love.

“It’s nothing,” I say too quickly.