Page 34 of More Than Friends

“Okay,nothungry,” I mutter, setting the bottle down before letting my head fall back against the headboard. I rifle through all the different tricks Charlotte told me about. I’ve tried everything possible to soothe Ava, and it just won’t work.

Maybe I’m just not cut out for this.

I shake my head, pushing the thought from my mind. I can’t think like that. I’m all Ava has. Ihaveto be cut out for this. I have no choice. It’s just our first night together, and I’m still figuring all of this out. I can’t keep doubting myself. That doesn’t help anyone.

“Why won’t you sleep, baby girl?” I whisper, looking down at my daughter. I trace my thumb over her eyebrows. The movement makes her eyelids flutter shut.

I sit up a little straighter, wondering if I found a trick. “You like that?” I ask, cradling her small head in both my hands. I bring my knees up, getting her in a comfortable position before I run the pads of my thumbs over her eyebrows once again.Excitement blooms in my chest at the hope that maybe I’ve found something that’ll help.

A sleepy smile forms on my daughter’s lips as her eyelids drift closed once again.

This time, they stay shut.

Did I figure it out?

I hold my breath as I repeat the motion. I sway a little, hoping the combination of movements is what’s needed to finally get my daughter to sleep.

Pride blooms in my chest as I watch her closely, her eyes not opening again. Her long eyelashes kiss the apples of her round cheeks as her chest rises and falls in long, sleepy breaths.

She looks so adorable in this moment that I fight the urge to lean in and press kisses all over her face. No matter how strong the temptation is, I’ll do anything to keep her asleep right now, and that means fighting the urge to kiss her perfectly chubby cheeks.

She’s beautiful.

And she’s mine.

I still haven’t had time to fully wrap my head around the fact that I have a daughter. There’s a sharp pain in my chest when I think about the four months of her life I’ve missed. Maybe if I’d known her from birth, I’d be much better at this. But I can’t let myself dwell on that too much.

I missed four months with her, but that won’t happen again. I’m going to find a way to be the parent she deserves. I’ll make up for our lost time together and be a father she can be proud of when she gets older.

I don’t know how long I watch her sleep. I know I need to put her in her own bed and fall asleep myself, but now that she isn’t crying and she’s dreaming peacefully, all I want to do is watch her.

I’ve always wanted to be a dad, but I thought it’d be in the more traditional way. I didn’t think I’d be figuring it out on my own, and I definitely never imagined raising a daughter on my own. A pit forms in my stomach that one day I’ll have to be honest with Ava about her mom not wanting to be a mother. I already dread it, but all I can do is make sure that I do everything to give Ava a happy, fulfilling childhood. I grew up incredibly lucky, having two loving parents who gave me the world. Mom and Dad were the perfect role models of what parents should be. I had a happy childhood, and I so desperately want to give that to Ava, even if she won’t have the traditional family dynamic that I did.

I swallow past a lump in my throat as guilt washes over me while I stare at my daughter.

I know I need to tell my parents about Ava.

It’s not that I’m hiding her. I just know the moment they find out about her, they’ll be on the next flight out. They’ll start meddling and asking questions, and I don’t have the answers yet. I’m not ashamed of Ava, but I’m also not looking forward to explaining to my parents, who have been married for over forty years, that not only did I have a child from a one-night stand but that I also missed the first four months of that child’s life. I wish I had found out about Ava at the same time as her mother, but I can’t change that.

I’ll tell my parents. I want them to be involved in Ava’s life. They were made to be grandparents and have used every opportunity to remind me of that, but first, I want to gain my footing as a dad. I want them to see that I can handle this on my own. That I’m a good father. I just need a little more time.

My eyelids begin to feel heavy. I let them close for a moment, knowing I need to muster up the courage to put Ava back in her bed so I can catch what sleep I can.

I just need one minute like this.

I’ll move her in one minute.

Just as I find myself drifting off, Ava begins to squirm before letting out a cry so loud that I jump with her still in my arms. My movement makes her scream. Her entire face scrunches together and turns a bright red.

I sigh before sliding out of bed and beginning to rock her again.

So much for sleep. This is going to be a long night.

TWENTY-ONE

CHARLOTTE

I rollfrom one side to the other before letting out a loud sigh.