Page 143 of The Bitter Words

The woman on top of me gets in sync with the other. It doesn’t matter what they do. This won’t end with me coming. It never does.

I try to focus on the physical feeling, but nothing is right about it. The woman’s pussy isn’t as tight as I want. Their bodies aren’t what I like.

Both women are sexy and any man would think I’m insane for not finding pleasure in the situation, but I just do this to fill the emptiness in my soul. It’s probably why I can’t come.

The problem is I’m numb all over. I’m beginning to believe my dick is broken. No, it’s not my dick. It’s my brain.

Once I found out Livianna had been sleeping with other men, I checked out of my body for fear I was going to murder someone. It was self-preservation at its best.

“Cash.” The girl I’m doing grinds down. “Rub my clit. I’m so close and I just need a little more.”

“Like this?” I press my thumb on her swollen bud.

“Yes! Oh, yes!” She tosses her head back and moans.

That must spur Bren on because the woman he’s with thrusts forward and braces herself. “Deep like that, Guns. Let’s see if we can all come together.”

“Fuck, yeah. That would be hot as hell.” Bren grunts and picks up his pace.

The bed rocks back and forth as they all work to come and I get ready to fake it when they do. I pretend to pant and tighten my muscles when they’re all close.

“Oh, Cash. Yes! I’m coming all over your big, fat cock.” Her walls tighten around me.

I groan and still myself, praying they don’t see through my act. “Fuck, me too.”

“Guns, it’s our turn.” The other girl gasps. “Let me feel your cum shoot into me. Take me to the other side.”

Not ten seconds later, they both release themselves to their orgasms. Remembering what it’s like to enjoy sex, a stab of envy jabs into my stomach.

“Call me Lily, Cash. I’ll come again.” The woman impales herself on my dick harder.

Fire erupts in my soul. “Get the fuck off me.”

I buck her off and into Bren and the other lady.

I grab the bottle of whiskey that’s on the nightstand and storm out of the room. “Who the hell does she think she is?”

“Way to go,” Bren says as I trudge to the other room in the suite. “You can’t say shit like that and expect it to go well. Now you’re stuck with only me.”

I don’t wait to hear her response. I slam my door shut, rip my condom off, and throw it in the trash. No one will ever be my Lily.

What the fuck? Why would anyone say something like that?

I unscrew the lid of the bottle and take a large swig. The burn of it going down makes me wince.

Does Livianna think of me like I think of her?

The memory of what I did tonight ricochets through my mind. I went on live TV and publicly said the album wasDead Lilieswithout clearing it with the label.

I changed the title of our album without talking to anyone. Meaning I had no right or permission to do so.

Leon’s furious and has already left me five messages stating I’m going to pay for all the changes he has to make out of my cut of the profits. He already owns me, so what’s a little more?

“I’ll never get ahead, so he should take all of it.” I reach for my phone to check if Livianna responded to my message.

Nothing. She never texts back, so I don’t know why I thought she would this time. I tried a different tactic by saying goodbye instead of begging her to give us another chance.

My performance on stage and announcingDead Lilieswas savage, but I wanted her to feel the sting. I frown and roll my eyes at myself.