Page 3 of The Jaded Notes

“Thanks. John meant a lot to all of us.” Bren leans closer to my ear so only I can hear. “Try to see past his mistakes for one day. If not for Cash, do it for me. I’d appreciate it.”

“Sure thing, Bren.” I release him. “Mom and Dad have a table in the other room. Should I get them?”

Anything to give me an excuse to leave. The somber mood isn’t very welcoming and I don’t expect it to be.

Bren glances at the table. “There’s not enough space for them to join us in here. I’ll go out and talk to them for a while. You can take my seat.”

Fantastic. Just what I want to do. Sit with Callum, the guy I’ve been refusing to speak to since I saw him the day I left for Paris.

I show Bren a tight smile. It’s all muscle memory.

Inside, I’m falling apart. “That’s very kind of you.”

I gaze over at Callum. His eyes are glued to me as he drinks a beer and listens to his bandmates talk.

I peek over at Victoria. She’s being consoled by one of the male sound engineers Mayhem works with.

My guess is he’s trying to be there for her in more than one way. She won’t fall for it. She’s too aware of that type of behavior.

Bren leaves the room, and I take tiny steps toward Callum with my stomach spinning. I don’t know how to approach him.

This isn’t like any typical day where we just happen to be in the same place. This is where he’s mourning another loss he’s had to face.

As I approach, Hawke and Cooper acknowledge me with a chin dip and a one-finger wave. At least they don’t seem to hate me. They don’t even tense, which is a good sign. They know I’d never start a fight with Callum today.

I reach his side. “The funeral was beautifully done. I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Do you mean that?” He rises to his feet until we’re face to face. “You didn’t like him when he was alive.”

“I have honest intentions, Callum. I’ve let go of the past and wish you weren’t going through this.”

His tough expression cracks. “Thanks, it means a lot that you came. He would’ve told you himself, Lily. He felt awful for what he did to you. Over the past couple of years, he talked to me about it a lot. I believe he wished things would’ve been different.”

“Then I’m glad you were able to make amends with him while he was still…around.” I peer into Callum’s blue eyes and instantly split in half. I swallow the pain and focus on John. “Callum, I forgive him for everything. It’s time to let it all go and move on.”

His heavy stare lingers on me. “You might wanna forget what we could’ve had, but I won’t. I’ve forgiven my uncle, but I’ll never let go of what we made. It was meant to be Lily, and it was taken from us.”

Callum and his flip-flopping messages. It’s the same cycle. One where he disses me, then begs me to look past his behavior. He loves me and wants me back, but he can’t be with me because I’ll get hurt.

He changed the name of their last album to get my attention and haunt me. It burned like hell just like he intended, but then he spent the next nine months apologizing and sending me messages saying he wished he could take it back.

He said he would clean up his act and fight for me, but he was wasted and with another woman a few hours later. Now this. I’m supposed to understand what he means when he speaks in circles.

Instead of arguing, I nod. “I’m sure the drugs caused his explosion that day. Like I said, I’m at peace with it now.”

“I’ll never be.”

I study him at a loss, his sad eyes sending love my way and dredging up every unresolved feeling.For whatever reason, I can’t sever all my ties with him.

Maybe it’s because he was my first love, and we went through a lot together. I should hate him for cheating on me, but even that gets lost in the moment.

“We need to talk in private.” He takes my hand and leads me out of the room.

“Callum, you should stay with your…” I glance around.

Everyone is watching us. It’s better if we leave so John can be the one everyone will focus on. I relent and follow Callum.

He guides us down a hallway near the restrooms and out into the parking lot. He waits for the door to close behind me. Once we’re all alone, we stand off to the side of the building.