Page 63 of The Jaded Notes

“You.” I place my hands on her shoulders and give her a sincere stare. “Tell me what you need and we can fix this. You have the power…the control, Livianna. Everything that happens between us…”

Fuck. How do I explain this without breaking her more? I need the authority, but she holds the stop switch. Ultimately, it’s she who ends anything she’s uncomfortable with.

I have to remember she’s new to this concept. It’s a goddamn maze I have to work through. If I could get her outof my head, my visions, and my dreams… She’s fucking everywhere I turn.

I huff out my frustration with myself. “Livianna, please don’t go.”

“I have to.” Her head lowers. “I don’t want this. Not the way you have it set up. It feels too…harsh. I feel like I’m suffocating.”

“How so? Tell me and maybe we can work around those issues.”

She raises her gaze, something hopeful and terrified flickering through it. “Do you think you could compromise with me?”

The dominant in me wants to put everything in its perfect place and say hell no, but that’s not what she needs. And for some crazy reason, that’s more important to me.

“Livianna, tonight was meant to be a night where you let yourself go and let me take care of you while sharing a new kind of pleasure. Your enjoyment in the experience…being with me has always been about give and take.”

“I don’t know what that means. You’re talking in riddles.”

“I’m not, but clearly you’re not understanding me. Explain what’s going on in your head.”

She steps away from me. “You think I need boundaries, but I don’t know how to move like that. I’m used to knowing how to work someone to get what I want. And with you, I’m so fucking lost. I don’t know how to be around you. You couldn’t possibly want that.”

“You’re right. I don’t want to be manipulated or in a relationship with you where you’re playing games with me. I won’t do it, but that doesn’t mean I won’t fantasize about being with you.”

“Where does that leave us?” She shrugs and shakes her head. “You want someone I can’t be, Jax. I need to talk when I want. I want to be able to kiss and touch you when I feel like it.”

My shoulders tighten. Just thinking about her running from me puts me on edge.

I have to find a way to make this work. “Then maybe…”

“I can’t, Jax. You want a puppet, and I can’t be that. When I was an actress, people always made me do things I didn’t want, but I did it to make my mom accept…”

Ah, now I see how Livianna got to this point.

“Okay…” I suck in a breath, knowing I’m about to go against anything and everything I demand when I’m involved with a woman. “If you desire freedom to talk, to touch when you want, and that’s what you need, then it’s yours. Like I said, you have the power. Just tell me where the lines are for you.”

“Really?” Her smile hits me like a spotlight.

And damn if that doesn’t make me feel like a fucking god.

“Jax, you’re serious about that? This isn’t some test I’m supposed to pass? You’re not setting me?—”

“Livianna, when I say something to you, it’s my word. And I don’t give that to just anyone. You matter more than you realize. I’ll work with you so you’re comfortable while we explore all there is to discover about each other.”

She lunges into my arms. On instinct I take her in a tight embrace. Her perfume whispers to me all the promise of the night. I bring her closer until a soft gasp catches in her throat.

I let up. “Do you still want to leave?”

She leans back and stares at me. Her fingers still clutch my lapel.

Her sparkling gaze hypnotizes me, but she stays in my arms. “Yes, Jax. I want to go now.”

My face screws up. “What?”

“You heard me. I’m done waiting. Take me somewhere we can finally let go.” She presses into me, all breasts and breath and a scent that has me second-guessing myself.

All I can do is nod.