Page 10 of What Maple Heard

He knew that I knew.

“I heard you that night.” My voice came out steadier than I felt. “I was on the back porch and the door was open and you didn’t see me. I heard you tell Kyle that you’re just having fun with me. That you don’t care if I think we have a future together because that’s my problem, not yours. That I’m good under the sheets and that’s where I belong.” I stopped. “I heard every word, Cade. Every single one.”

“Oh, Maple—“

I put my hand up. “Don’t.”

He closed his mouth.

“So you can stick that concern up your ass and find someone new to have fun with. And I do agree with you about one thing — you are getting old. Better hurry before the young sexy girls stop being interested.” I tilted my head. “Although I’m sure you can always fall back on the fake genuineness. That worked very well on me. Hopefully next time she’ll be smarter than I was and see straight through the fall walks and the carefully remembered shoe sizes directly to what’s actually underneath. I hope she’ll be able to see your ugly soul.”

“Maple, please let me explain.”

“You have nothing to explain.”

“Please just let me—“

“There’s nothing to explain, Cade. What would you even say? How do you explain something you said to your best friend when you thought no one was listening? That’s the thing about those conversations. They’re true. That’s the whole point of them.”

“Please—“

“There’s. Nothing. To explain.”

He stopped trying. He just looked at me. The devastated expression had settled in and wasn’t moving.

I looked back at him.

Three months. Three months of being careful, three months of his patience with River and his coffee at the studio and his quiet understanding of exactly how to take down every single wall I had, and it had all been because he wanted a pretty young girlfriend to have fun with until he got bored.

I should have known.

I did know. I knew before I let any of it happen. That’s the worst part.

“One more thing,” I said. My voice was going tighter than I wanted it to. “I was a pole dancer. I know that. I know what it means to people like you. But I am proud of it. I’m proud of every night I danced in those heels because every single dollar I made went toward keeping River safe and keeping the lights on and building a life that nobody handed me. So don’t you ever — “ My voice cracked. Just once. Just slightly. “Don’t you ever belittle me for that.”

“Oh, Maple.”

He said it so quietly. And he looked — he looked like he might actually cry, which was the one thing I had not been prepared for, and I felt the heat coming up behind my own eyes and I was absolutely not doing this, I was not crying in front of Cade Sonnenberg on my own porch.

As I turned around, he held my hand.

“I’m sorry, Maple” His voice was rough. “Please don’t shut me out. I want you in my life, I just — I don’t know how I said those things—“

I spun back around. The tears were still right there, right at the edge, and the only thing I had to keep them from falling was the rage, so I held onto the rage with both hands.

“You don’t know how?” My voice went up. “Is that what you’re trying to say? You just opened your mouth and those words fell out by accident? You’re sick, Cade. Just own up to it. Stand here and tell me to my face that you thought that way about me. At least give me that. Don’t stand here and say you don’t know how.”

“You’re right.” He held my gaze. He didn’t look away. “You’re right. I did think that. But that was a week ago. This one week without you made me realize things I never did before. I realized what you mean to me. I was stupid, Maple. Just stupid. And I will own up to it. I will own up to every single thing I said that hurt you. I will fix this, Maple. If you just give me a chance—“

“You can’t fix this.”

“I can. Please just—“

“Go home, Cade.” I pulled my hand back. “Sleep it off. You feel bad right now because you got caught. Tomorrow you’ll feel better. The week after that you’ll find someone new.”

“I don’t want someone new.”

“Then you’ll have a very dull few weeks until you change your mind.”