Page 148 of Rogue Riders Duet

Not yet, something inside me screams, and Dane seems to know because he doesn’t push. He leans back like he knows I’m hanging on by threads, and any more talk will send me falling. “The offer stands.”

The quiet between us settles again, but the space between us feels softer than it’s been in weeks.

Not quite as suffocating.

Not quite as sharp.

“Okay,” I whisper.

It’s barely a sound, but it’s all I can give him.

Give myself.

TWENTY-SIX

“Give me three years, Speedbump. Really try.”

Dane’s voice echoes in my ears, nearly drowning out the grind of boots on gravel.

He and Finn are a good ten feet ahead of me, but they don’t look back as I start falling behind on purpose. I don’t want their eyes on me right now, don’t want Finn’s stiff shoulders or the space he keeps between us as some kind of buffer zone.

He’s a fucking coward.

But it’s not like I’m any braver.

Each step sends a dull throb through my hip, the pain meds already wearing thin. I shove my hands deeper into my hoodie pocket, shoulders hunched, head down, trying to focus on the rhythm of my feet instead of the pain, either the one in my body or the one twisting through my chest.

I lag farther behind, letting the distance stretch because I can’t stop thinking about Dane’s offer. About the way his eyes softened, like he knew I wasn’t ready to promise him anything.

And I’m not.

But maybe…

Maybe if I can’t do it for myself, I can do it for him. Maybe even for Mason, who counts on his nobody, or for Luc, who showed me that he really cares.

But what happens when they find out?

The truth about who I am and why I’m really here. The plan. What I’m going to do to Raine. What I have to do.

Will they still care when I get kicked off the circuit? When my name becomes a stain on theirs? Being my friend will follow them if they don’t drop me like a hot potato. This sport lives on reputation, and Mason is walking proof of what it costs to lose yours.

That is, if they still want anything to do with me when they realize everything they liked about me was a lie. Ugh.

Then again, there was Austria. That win wasn’t about Raine, not really, that was all mine. It was my mountain, my favorite track, my best run. I flew because I wanted it for me. Isaac wasn’t even part of it. And it felt good, like the first breath taken after drowning, even if I was in agony all the way down.

When I finish what I came here to do, there’s no clean ending, and I know this. No future waiting for me on the other side. I won’t get to slip back into female racing, the UCI will never let me.

Once the truth is out, I’m done, but somewhere along the way, I lost the thread. I came for justice, but I’m not sure if I’ve found something better or something that’ll just hurt more to lose, and that scares me because if I don’t have the revenge, what’s left?

Finn hasn’t looked at me once today. He’s stuck so deep in whatever mess is in his head that I can’t even catch his eye. And yeah, I deserve that, and it’s better this way, but it still stings like hell. That night ruined everything. No. My kiss ruined everything.

I ruined everything.

Or maybe it just showed me what has been clear to anybody else for years.

It was never going to happen.

I dig the toe of my boot into a patch of loose dirt, flicking it aside, watching dust swirl around my ankles, like the thoughts swirling inside me. I haven’t seen the other two guys who are always on my mind today, either.