Page 78 of Love Lessons

That question was actually easier. I think I’m maybe eighty or ninety percent submissive. When I’m dominant it feels more like a way of pleasing the other person than something I really do for myself. It’s kind of fun for a change of pace, and I like exploring, but I don’t think I need it in my life.

Ash nodded. I think a lot of people like to switch occasionally even if they have a preference. Most of them just don’t act on it as much as you have.

Wow. Ash really had been watching him It was kind of sweet, but definitely not going to go anywhere now.

Right, um, so what do I do now? Landon asked.

Now? Nothing. Unless you think your subdrop is over?

I think it’s getting better. Maybe… he drew a shape in space to show that he was over halfway back to normal. It usually lifts by the evening no matter what I do.

Ash nodded, and Landon realized he was still being a bit of a dick. Actually, I didn’t say what I meant. The hormones are starting to equalize, but I’m actually feeling a lot better because you took the time to talk with me, too. Can we, um, be friends?

Ash looked at him skeptically. I thought that was the plan when we hung out at Dustin’s house.

He felt a little silly admitting this. I mean, it was. But Dustin was the one who thought I needed more friends and thought I should get to know you. Now I realize that he was right.

Fortunately, Ash thought that was hilarious instead of taking offense. Are you going to tell him that?

Not unless he makes me!

Ash giggled.

The rest of their day was relaxed, and Landon really found himself enjoying Ash’s company. They checked out the new robotics exhibit, which Landon wanted to bring his students to, and Ash kept him amused with great stories and an honest enthusiasm about the science they were exploring.

After they dropped off the kids, Landon drove Ash back to the parking lot to get their car. Pulling into the lot, though, kind of made his stomach turn.

Did you know that I’ve run out into the parking lot to talk to Dustin after every munch? It’s like… where I make a fool out of myself every time.

Ash rubbed his shoulder. Maybe you need to have a goal of talking about things at other times, so you don’t have to do that anymore.

Everything felt more real now. Real and scary. What am I supposed to do? I don’t even know if he’s still interested. Or what I want. I can’t, like, get down on my knees and pledge myself to him for life or something crazy. I just want to have a chance to figure it out.

That’s all you have to do, then. Tell him that you want to figure things out together.

And what if he doesn’t listen?

Then tell him again. You’re determined. If he doesn’t listen to you now, he will eventually. Also, maybe think about what’s important to him. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, but maybe something that would show him that you’re thinking about what he cares about.

Landon couldn’t think of anything immediately, and that was even worse. He’d been so wrapped up in himself that he didn’t know what Dustin liked. Cooking, maybe? Running? But those were things that Landon liked.

Hey, Ash shook his shoulder. You can do this. Just talk to him. The rest is optional. And remember, you’ve already made it through three months, so this is where you prove you can go for four.

Thanks. That’s… a good way to think about it. Do you think I can go see him now?

That’s what I would do. If you feel like you’re ready, there’s no reason to draw it out.

I wish I knew if he was at home. I don’t think I can handle texting him first.

Ash held up one slender finger telling him to wait, then dug out their phone. After poking around for a moment, they gave Landon a smile. He’s home. You should go over.

What? How did you know? Please tell me you didn’t text him!

Nope. I texted Zhong. I assumed they’d be together.

Hang on, how do you know Zhong that well? I didn’t even know you had his number.

Ash shrugged, though Landon was starting to notice that they did that sometimes when they were deflecting. We’ve actually hung out a few times since Dustin introduced us. We’re cuddle buddies. It’s like fuck buddies but for cuddles. And he’s really nice.