Page 10 of Love Lessons: Expanded Edition

It still amazed Dustin that all Zhong saw of their triad was close roommates. It had sure felt like a romantic relationship to him at the time. Even after college, they’d been closer than most friends. But if Zhong was lonely, why didn’t he come over more?

Dustin immediately felt guilty. It was probably because he’d been so wrapped up in Alan. And then stressing out about breaking up with Alan. Ugh. He needed to do better.

Do you want to move back in with me? He didn’t even have to think before making the offer. I like having you around.

They’d lived together for a few years after college while they were still sorting out their careers and things and it had been… really nice. Like the big empty house Dustin had inherited from his aunt was a real home.

Zhong raised his face to the ceiling, his thick black hair fanning out around his ears and his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. He was a handsome man and Dustin couldn’t deny that he still found him attractive.

He knew that Zhong couldn’t give him what he needed, though, especially now that he knew he was kinky. In fact, it wasn’t even about the sex… it was probably that Zhong wasn’t submissive. If anything, Zhong took care of him more than the other way around.

But maybe Dustin could provide some of those missing pieces for Zhong. Especially since he was single again now. And if whoever he was dating next didn’t like it, he’d know they weren’t the right fit. He should have pushed harder to spend time with Zhong and Alan together. He definitely should have dropped his previous ex, Katy, much sooner when it became clear she didn’t like having Zhong around.

But Zhong was slowly shaking his head. I think I… I think I want someone just for me. Like, I still love you, but if you’re dating somebody again, I won’t be your primary focus. That’s OK, he was quick to add. I’ve just realized that I want someone who’s my primary focus. And I’m theirs. That’s the best way that I can put it.

How long have you been thinking about this?

I think that when I was figuring out that I was asexual, I was just so uncomfortable with all of the assumptions about sex that came with romantic relationships that I put it all in the same box. I guess I was getting all of my tactile needs met with you and Sarah, and then mostly with you. It was when I had different apartment mates and then started living on my own that I kind of figured it out. I wasn’t just missing friends, I kind of wanted a partner.

That makes sense to me.

Zhong let out a relieved sigh. Thank you for understanding.

Dustin laughed. You just watched kinky porn for me. I think I can handle talking to you about romantic relationships. Anyway, I’ve seen that grid thing that everybody uses, where there’s sexuality on one axis and romantic feelings on the other. He drew the two axes as he signed. They hadn’t known about it back in college, but it sure would have been useful. Where do you think you fall on that right now?

What’s the scale?

Let’s say zero to ten on both axes.

OK, so, um, maybe a two on sexuality? Not a zero. I think it’s weird but not completely disgusting, as you know.

Dustin definitely did. The first time that Dustin had popped a boner while they were cuddling back in college, Zhong had asked some slightly embarrassing and personal questions. Then he’d watched Dustin whack off the way a scientist would watch someone dissecting a squid. It had been an interesting evening all around..

They’d tried a few sexual things in the years after that, mostly for Zhong’s curiosity and because Dustin was a horny college student who was in love with his best friend. Dustin was safe for Zhong, and knew enough to appreciate what they had and not push him.

I’m still OK with kissing sometimes, Zhong added.

They’d discovered together that Zhong thought cuddling was amazing and kissing was alright, since it was a bit like “tongue cuddling.”

I could probably do some sexual stuff with someone who meant a lot to me, kind of like going to a movie you don’t care about because your friend wants to go? I think the zero is if you’re totally repulsed by it.

Dustin hid a chuckle. Zhong was always good with metaphors and comparing sex to a bad movie was just like him. He didn’t laugh, though, when Zhong was being so serious. It’s your scale. You get to tell me what it means. He privately thought that a two was generous, but it wasn’t his body.

Zhong nodded. Yeah, a two, then. On romantic interests I’m… I think I’m actually a seven or eight. It took me a while to figure out what that means. But I’d like to share my home with someone. I’d like to do special things with them. I don’t think I want kids, but I want to be a family. I think I’d like to date someone. You know, get them special presents and have anniversaries and take care of them. So that… that feels like a seven or eight, right?

To me, that feels like a ten, since it’s what I would want from a romantic relationship. But you’re the only one who can explain your scale. Let me ask this, though. Does your hypothetical relationship feel like it would be different from our friendship? We get each other presents and take care of each other. And we cuddle all the time. Hey, you should add a third axis for cuddles!

Zhong grinned. Yeah, that would totally be… he set up a scale and then puffed out his cheeks as he diagrammed moving completely beyond it.

You’re such a cuddle whore, Dustin agreed affectionately.

I know. I’d take cuddles from anyone. But seriously, though, it would be different, I think, from what we have. I think I want someone I could really dedicate myself to and who would want me back the same way. He looked awed for a moment. Maybe I really am a nine or ten.

That sounds about right. I’m glad you figured it out.Their whole lives might have changed if Zhong had realized this in college. But maybe things just happened in their right time. Their friendship was close and comfortable, and now they both had a different sense of what they were looking for.

Suddenly Zhong got a stricken look on his face. I mean, I wouldn’t love you any less. I still love you! It would just be like when you’re dating someone, but we’re still close, right?

Dustin nodded. Definitely. We’ll still be close. Their relationship might not look conventional, but he wouldn’t give it up for anything. He enjoyed Zhong’s cuddles almost as much as Zhong did.