Page 84 of Love Lessons: Expanded Edition

God, all the reasons. Sometimes I was too clingy and moved too fast. Sometimes we fought. Apparently I’m too pushy? Two different guys cheated on me, which, like, isn’t a problem if you’re just messing around, but they said that we were exclusive. Some of them got bored with me, I guess, and just checked out. I had one relationship that technically lasted six months, but only because it was mostly long distance and we broke up once he got back.

Landon thought back. There were more.

Did you want a longer relationship, though?

Landon blew out his breath. I mean, I did at the time. I guess I still do. But like… Dustin and I met three months ago, and we’ve barely spent any time together and I already fucked it up.

Ash pulled him in for another hug. Landon let himself be held for a moment, sinking into Ash’s warmth. It didn’t fix everything, but it sure felt a lot better.

Eventually he figured he should check on the kids and maybe not hug for so long, so he pulled back. Lola was swinging from the monkey bars and Matt was lining up leaves on a park bench.

Ash rubbed his shoulder. Thanks for sharing that. I have no idea why they weren’t interested in you, but let’s assume for a minute that they were all assholes who didn’t know a good thing when they had it. Let’s add in there that you were young and they were young. College relationships aren’t known for lasting. You’re more mature now, and Dustin isn’t some frat boy.

Landon’s lips twitched. He couldn’t really imagine that. Dustin had kind of said the same thing.

And then let’s assume that Dustin is crazy about you, which is what he said, and can break the three-month curse. He’s even said that he doesn’t want to do casual and you know that he’s been in several multi-year relationships, right? So, do you want a relationship with him?

Landon let himself really consider it for the first time. I… I don’t even know. I feel like when I’m with him it’s this slice out of my real life.

In a good way?

Yeah, he finally admitted with a smile that momentarily cut through the lingering sadness. It’s kind of magical being with him. I’ve just been scared of getting used to it.

I’m hearing you say that you want a relationship with him, but you’re just worried it won’t work out. Is that it?

Landon nodded. Ash made so many things simpler.

Let’s assume that you want a relationship, then, and we can guarantee that you’ll stay together. Do you also want him to be your Daddy?

Memories rushed by. Kneeling. Showering. Sitting at his feet or in his lap. The way that Dustin asked about his plants.

And then dreams and fantasies. The sexy ones and the gentler ones where he imagined lazy mornings in the kitchen and falling asleep in his arms.

It was all tinged with the sorrow of subdrop and the hurt from the parking lot this morning, but he still wanted to reach for it. I think I want that.

OK, here’s another one. I don’t know whether Dustin identifies as poly or not…

Landon jumped in. He actually told me that he’s kind of in a relationship with Zhong. You know, from game… Landon didn’t need to finish the sentence. Ash was already grinning widely at just the mention of his name. Have you two been hanging out?

Ash blushed. Yeah. A few times now. They looked radiant when they admitted it.

It was enough to distract Landon from his own predicament. Cuuuuute… He swiped two fingers down his chin, drawing out the sappy expression. For more snuggles and board games? Those are the two things that Dustin says Zhong loves most.

Yep. He’s really sweet.

You have a crush on him, don’t you?

Ash’s blush bloomed over their pale skin. Yeah, but it’s pointless. I mean, he’s…

Ace? Dustin already told me.

Yeah. He’s ace and he’s not kinky at all. Or at least he says he’s not.

So what’s the appeal?

Ash giggled, mouth open and eyes crinkled. Just that he’s a total Daddy and doesn’t even know it.

Like Dustin? God, Landon felt like he was on a rollercoaster with him.