Page 7 of Collide

“Food,” Tommy demands.

“Let me change.”

I slip into a short, flowy dress, hoping to cover the small bump. My body has a strange shape to it. The best way I can describe what’s happening to me is I’m thickening.

Back in the living room, I meet Tommy and Gage, noticing how Gage rubs his hands down his jeans, avoiding my eyes. He looks nervous. Why would he be nervous?

We head to a little bistro in the resort. My mother selected this location because it wasn’t on the beaten path, and it wasn’t a high-end hotel. It was privately owned with a penthouse suite, which she preferred.

I feel on top of the world up here, she’d say.

The thought of her pinches my heart again, but I smile at Tommy as we sit and remember it was my choice to come here. I want to reminisce about the good times through the holiday season. I didn’t expect to have additional company, but I understand Tommy’s concern for Collision. He likes the boys, and he sees himself in them. Young. Ambitious. Talented.

Tommy’s original band was Colt45, and he took the name Lawson Colt as his stage name. When they were only a few hits wonder, a manager suggested combining Kit and her husband with them. They lost an original member of the band named Tucker Ashe. When my father killed himself shortly after Kit Carrigan and Chrome Teardrops was formed, and they added Hank Paige as their new drummer. It had been a rocky start to a tremendous career.

Dinner isn’t long, and the conversation revolves mainly around Tommy’s history and Collision’s future. I listen, but my mind wanders as I remember what I did with the man sitting across from me. I like sex. I like men. I just don’t know when to control myself around them. I’m always looking for a fix, a connection, but I never find it, and I know why. It’s not going to be found in the back seat of a car or behind a bar, yet I don’t know how else to go about things with the opposite sex. I blame my mother. Who wants to date the daughter of a rock star? Lots of men, actually, but that wasn’t the point. You can’t form lasting relationships if you’re always on the go, and it was my choice to walk away from most. I didn’t like it, but I learned to live with it. I didn’t attend a structured school until college, and when I did, the boys were so…normal. I tried to keep it on the down low who I was, who I was related to, but once someone found out, assumptions were made. I decided there was nothing wrong with enjoying myself—or trying to, at least—but I’d yet to find the satisfaction I’d searched for.

A young roadie a few years older than me was my first. He was as gentle as he could be for a guy overly excited about a virgin and the daughter of Kit Carrigan. After him, most guys blurred together except for Gage. It’s strange to think seven minutes in heaven could be life altering, but it was. Something about the way he kissed me made him different.

My mouth waters with the thought of his lips on mine, and I reach for my water glass. I swallow the cool liquid, reminding myself I’m pregnant and no man is going to want to lay their lips on mine in my condition or afterward. A single mother isn’t a stigma, but I’ve been reading. Pregnancy is tough, but when the baby arrives—life altering. It makes me wonder if my mother felt the same way. Did she think having a child changed her?

Before I know it, dinner is finished. Tommy says he’s going to the bar, but that’s one place I don’t want to visit.

“I’ll walk you back up,” he offers, but Gage interjects.

“I’ll do it.” He doesn’t appear to have an ulterior motive although Tommy narrows his eyes at him.

“I can,” Tommy says, his voice verging on a growl. What is wrong with him?

“It’s fine. Go have fun,” I suggest, waving dismissively at them. Gage slips his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and shifts his eyes from Tommy to me.

“I’d like to do it.” A heaviness hangs in the air around all of us, and in order to be polite, I nod.

“That would be fine.” I reach for Tommy’s wrist and pat it twice. “Try to behave yourself.”

He chuckles softly, shaking his head. “You know I always do.”

He’s a player, that one, and I don’t blame the women. My uncle is a good-looking man. His slicked back dark hair has gray at his temples and curls at his nape. He defines the five o’clock shadow with a dusting of scruff on his cheeks mixed hints of silver. A glance at Gage has me noting he’s not much different from Tommy. Thick scruff covers his jaw as if artfully sculpted to him. His midnight eyes sparkle in the dim lights of the bistro, and his matching hair hangs to his chin, cut choppy, kinky, and wild. Did I run my fingers through that hair? I can’t remember, and I wonder what it would feel like.

Stop, my brain scolds. You cannot be attracted to him, and he’s certainly not going to be attracted to you now. Have I mentioned that being pregnant also makes you horny? Some days, the ache is so bad I use my vibrator twice. I shiver with thoughts of my toy, and how Gage Everly would be a much better substitute.

We walk slowly as he leads me out of the bistro and then through the lobby. We should head for the elevators, but a hand on my lower back stops me.

“How about a walk? It’s my first night here, and I heard the stargazing is something else.”

“It’s amazing from the penthouse.”

“I could use a stretch,” he says, not giving up. I should tell him I can’t. I should excuse myself and go up alone, but I don’t want to be alone. It’s good to be here, but the memories haunt me.

“Okay.”

We walk around the pool to a boardwalk connecting the resorts. The path isn’t packed, but a number of people have the same idea as us. They stroll in the dark, keeping their conversation low so as not to disturb the quiet around us. The ocean roars as background music on what could be a romantic night. As we near the next resort over, the pulsing sound of a band reaches us. We haven’t said more than four words until I speak.

“Do you miss it?”

“What?”

“The band.” I feel his eyes on the side of my head, but I don’t look over at him.