Page 1 of Contempt

PROLOGUE

Compassion is contempt with a human face.

—John McCarthy

I miss New York.

It was the first thing that drifted through Lucia Marcello’s mind as she strolled through The Annex for the first time in almost a year. She’d visited the market shortly before heading out to California the year before, but that was only to grab a few jars of her favorite homemade loose tea. She wouldn’t be able to get it anywhere but here.

California was … exactly what Lucia needed. It gave her space from her family, and allowed the bitterness and contempt she constantly felt for them to stay hidden, for the most part. Oh, sure, it was still there. Festering and living well, but it just didn’t show itself nearly as much when she didn’t have to face people like her father or brother day in and day out.

Except … California wasn’t one thing.

That one thing being home.

New York was always going to be home to Lucia.

Maybe that’s why she felt so goddamn nostalgic as she took in the many vendor tents, and the new faces filling up The Annex. It had always been a melting pot of races, religions, and cultures. There was something for everyone here. That’s part of the reason why she loved it so much.

Despite the way she wanted to enjoy being here when she hadn’t been here in so long, Lucia couldn’t settle into that comfort as easily as she wished. She might have been able to blame it on the fact this was her first trip home in almost a year, but that wasn’t it at all.

More like the man walking a few paces behind her. Her brother—John. Sure, he’d kept quiet as Lucia became acquainted with the woman he simply explained that he loved. He’d said it so surely, so honestly, that Lucia had no choice but to believe her brother when he introduced her to Siena Calabrese. She didn’t think she had ever heard her brother sound so entirely sure about anything before.

Not like he had when he told Lucia about Siena.

So, maybe it made her feel a little sick to her fucking stomach that her brother was happy in a way. That he’d found someone to love; someone he wanted to protect and adore for the rest of his life; someone he needed as much as he needed air. Because that was all the things John dared to explain to Lucia when he brought Siena along for their trip out—one her mother had all but demanded she take. To let John apologize; to fix the burned bridges, her mother offered like Lucia gave a single damn.

She wasn’t sure if she did.

Lucia did know that the fact John had found someone he loved felt like a gut punch for her. Why was he allowed to have someone he wanted and loved when he had practically ripped that very same thing out of her arms?

He’d helped to take her love away.

He’d done that.

And she was supposed to be happy for him right now? God knew she tried—over the last year, she’d tried damn hard to forgive her brother for all the shit that had gone down with Renzo.

That was the thing about feeling such a strong contempt for the people you also loved, Lucia had found. It was relentless, and vicious. It didn’t just draw lines in the sand, no. It painted them with the blood of memories from happier times, ruined and stained. It was like a damn poison, slowing taking over a person’s body.

Because that’s how it worked. It killed a person while they waited for it to kill someone else. Despite knowing all of this, Lucia couldn’t let it go. She was infected with it—dying from it slowly.

Being angry was easier.

She didn’t know how to be anything else now.

It was funny.

Sickening, too.

A year could change so fucking much for everyone else. But a year changed nothing for her. She was still just as raw as she had been. Still just as hurt, and angry. Everyone else’s world continued to turn, and hers was stuck in this standstill she couldn’t seem to escape.

Lucia wasn’t sure if she wanted to escape it, honestly. Again … easier.

John continued to stay far enough behind them to give Lucia some breathing room even as they headed further into The Annex. She was grateful he made the effort,, but John had always been the type to give people their space when he got the impression they needed it. Mostly because he wanted people to afford him the same thing.

Despite being slightly uncomfortable because of her brother’s constant presence that day, Lucia couldn’t deny the fact that there was something … sweet about Siena Calabrese. Lucia had taken to her almost the second she said hello with a bright smile. Like she had heard all about Lucia—the woman probably had, knowing John—and couldn’t wait to make friends.

It was kind of hard to be angry with a woman who just wanted to like you. Plus, Siena didn’t have anything to do with the whole Renzo episode a year earlier. Lucia found herself surprised at how easily she wanted to make friends with Siena, too. Like maybe she was in desperate need of another friend in her life.