Page 111 of Pretty Thing

I don’t think anything will come to me, but when I open my mouth, the words start to flow.

“I am so angry,” I fume. “You promised that you’d be here for all my firsts and every stupid milestone. Instead, you left me with an empty house, insurance paperwork, and memories that feel hollow without you here. My nineteenth birthday. You missed my birthday, and Christmas, and…” Trembling, I suck in another lung full of air.

“I get up, look in the mirror, and I want to scream at my reflection because I don’t know if I deserve to be here without you. Why did I live, huh? Why do I get to live and you two don’t?”

No answer comes on the harsh wind. I see my parents in my mind, their faces solemn but offering no words of wisdom.

“It hurts…every day I wake up, and I remember all over again that you’re gone. My heart is crushed every morning and then aches all day without reprieve. I relive those final moments, and can barely breathe as the guilt of making you go with me that day, presses on my chest. God, I miss you. I miss you, and I hate you for leaving me, but I love you so much.”

That’s all I can take. I break down and sob while Felix holds me, letting me fall apart in the safety of his arms. When the tears finally slow, I pull back. Felix wipes my face and places a chaste kiss on my lips.

“I know you don’t understand, Pretty Thing, but you needed to come here. I have to shatter you completely so that I can be the one to glue you back together.”

My brow furrows at his words.

“Felix…I don’t understand why you have to hurt me just to prove that you care. You’ve lost people too, but I feel like I’m the only one bleeding.”

“No. No, you’re not.”

Felix reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out something wrapped in tissue. His eyes flick to mine as he unwraps it. Nestled in his hand is a simple black cord with a pendant that only confuses me.

“This glass shard was pulled out of my hand at the hospital.”

He lifts it so I can see, and the fading light shines through. It’s stained red but glitters like a diamond.

“It’s from the window I smashed to pull you out.”

His expression softens.

“Look at it. It’s a piece of the night that stripped you bare. We are standing on the edge of the road that is now a graveyard, surrounded by ghosts of our past. But this is also where you became mine. This is where our story started. It’s a dark tragedy made beautiful, and this horrific moment is now preserved in glass for all time.”

My mouth runs dry as my heart races. He sounds crazy, but there is something so beautiful about his version of events. He holds the necklace out, and I find myself lowering my head. Felix slips the leather around my neck and the pendant settles on my chest. I roll it between my fingers, unsure what to say.

“You don’t need to look back at the crash anymore, because I am hanging the birthplace of us around your neck. We share a dark and twisted fate. I am yours, and you are mine.”

Everything stops. I don’t feel the wind, hear my heart, or even see anything other than Felix.

“This is why I brought you here. Closure and a new beginning.” My eyes sting. “You can hate me for it, but I don’t want you to remember this place for what it took.”

He’s wrapped our past and present, our pain and joy, together with a shiny bow. That may scare some people. But not me. Instead, some sick or maybe sad part of me rejoices. I throw my arms around him and bury my face in his chest as he holds me.

Maybe this is just another stage of grief. Learning to carry what’s broken until it becomes part of you like any other accessory.

Eventually we get back in the car, neither of us saying another word as the heater hums.

My fingers stay wrapped around the necklace as I try to process my emotions. Unstable seems accurate. I feel like a house of cards continuously blowing over just when I get the last one in place.

After a while, Felix glances at me.

“I’m not taking you home tonight.”

I look at him, but his expression stays easy.

“We’re both tired and emotional, and my place is closer.” He lifts a shoulder and lets it drop. “I’ll take you tomorrow.”

So…I just nod.

“Okay.”