Page 75 of Dose

“Understood,” I say.

Nikolai’s attention remains on me. “Your Phoenix clearance applied to Phoenix. It does not create standing field authority.”

The old conditioning tries to hear rejection. I make myself hear the actual words.

“Field assignments remain mission-specific,” I say.

“For everyone,” Damon adds.

Nikolai nods. “You now have full access to planning relevant to the western hub. Operational data outside that scope remains compartmented. Any field role will be assessed against the final plan.”

Planning access. Not unrestricted status. The limits are clear enough that I believe the access is real.

The review breaks into assignments. Ezra and Marcus begin arguing about what constitutes a low-value channel. Damon wants the cold-storage blind space added to every future sweep model. Raphael requests twice-daily medication reports from all three Phoenix recovery sites. Darius volunteers to demonstrate the calibration-weight incident for training purposes and is refused by four people at once.

I am collecting my notes when Jenna touches my elbow.

“Walk with me?”

We end up in the small kitchen off the common level. She pours tea, then lowers herself into a chair with one hand braced beneath the curve of her belly. I take the seat opposite her.

“What did Nikolai’s decision mean to you?” she asks.

“That they trust my judgment.”

“They already trusted it in the Archive.”

“This is different.” I turn the warm cup between my palms. “They saw me in the field. They know I can be useful when something goes wrong.”

Jenna’s expression sharpens. “Useful is not the same as worthy.”

I look up.

“This family is very good at making usefulness feel like love,” she says. “Most of them were taught the two things were identical. Don’t make the same mistake just because they finally have somewhere decent to put all that loyalty.”

Through the doorway, Darius is still attempting to defend his proposed training demonstration. Damon says something too quiet to catch. Darius looks offended.

“Then what changed?” I ask.

“They have more evidence about you. That’s all. They know how you respond under pressure. They can give you access they couldn’t justify before.” Jenna lifts her cup. “You did not become one of us in Phoenix. You came home because you already were.”

The words settle somewhere I cannot examine yet.

“Does being part of this change you?” I ask.

“Completely.”

“Do you regret it?”

“No.” The answer is immediate. “But no regret doesn’t mean no cost.”

She rests her free hand on the table.

“I have killed people before they could reach Nikolai. I have looked at incomplete evidence and chosen the risk to them over the risk to him. Sometimes I was right. Once, I may not have been.” Her face does not change. “I sleep. That does not make every choice clean.”

There is no performance in the confession. She gives it to me because she thinks I need the danger in it.

“At Phoenix,” I say, “after the guard fell, I picked up the calibration weight again.”