Page 62 of Up In Flames

Our bedroom, soon to be my bedroom again. We were just discussing using her pretty pink and cream rugs on the floor, now that we’d become more certain there was a future between us.

No future.

Instead, I need to pack up every trace of her.

I grab up one of my tee-shirts that she likes to wear as a nightgown. Her sweet, powdery smell is on it, so I shove it behind my underwear in the drawer. She can’t take it. It’s all I’ll have left of her.

I move to the closet and collect handfuls of the hanging clothes and their hangers before I fold all of them into an old trunk I keep at the bottom. I used it in college. It’ll serve now instead of boxes.

“What are you doing? Please, can’t we talk about this?” Nina begs, standing in the doorway.

“Nothing to talk about. I love you. I’m not doing this to hurt you. It’s just what has to be done. Better to cut me out of your life quickly. You need to move on and forget you ever knew me.” I move to the drawers that I gave her and scoop out her things. Delicate lingerie. Comfy wool socks.

What else? We didn’t move everything she owns. She’s still been paying her rent. That shouldn’t be a problem, then. This was just a vacation, only we didn’t realize it.

Bathroom. Her makeup and thousands of shower products go into an empty garbage liner from under the sink before joining the rest of her items in the trunk.

Shoes. I go find more plastic bags while she waits, crying silent tears that slay me. Each one is a dagger that slices me raw. But she doesn’t object. She just stands in the doorway, as if she can’t bear to come into the room.

Good. If she touches me now, how will I be strong enough to do what has to be done?

Once I have all her shoes packed up, I add her laptop and the file folder she’s left next to the bed on the floor. I look around.

Just that simply, she’s gone. There was so little of her moved into my space—and she’s taking everything with her, including whatever makes me, me.

“If there’s anything I’ve missed, I’ll arrange to get it to you.”

For the first time, she moves into my path as I lift the trunk. “You said you loved me.”

I can’t meet her eyes. I can’t. “I do. With every single cell in my evil body.”

“You’re not evil, but you are a fucking liar. You don’t love me. If you loved me, you wouldn’t do this to me.” She places her hands on the edge of the trunk that I’m holding. “Please, Sampson. You’re spiraling. You’re not thinking clearly. I know this has all been a shock…”

“You know nothing,” I snap, finally meeting her gaze. Tears and blue sapphires, and I can’t. I look away. “It’s over, Nina.”

I try to move around her, but she moves with me. “No. I won’t let it be over. If you love me, you’ll fight for us. You’ll at least give us a chance against some ridiculous allegations and history spun by a stranger.”

Except, those allegations are true. I felt the horrific rightness of them in my gut with every spoken word. They’re logic, even if they seem like fairytales. I’m cursed—and I can’t allow Nina to be cursed with me.

She’s going to have babies with someone else.

She’s going to fuck other men.

She’s going to hold a different family in her heart, and one day, she might not even remember my name.

And if she doesn’t move out of town, I’m going to have to go, because Mossburg is just too small for the two of us.

And the realization hits that I’m not just losing her. I really am losing everything. But then, apparently, I’ve been living on borrowed time ever since the day I was abandoned at MFD, pretending to be someone I’m not: one of them, a human being.

“Please, Sampson. You can’t do this.”

I straighten my shoulders, my resolve firming under the weight of her breaking. It will only get worse unless I end it now. I’m not going to live a lie any longer within my community, and I’m not going to drag her to Hell with me.

Which means I’m first going to have to tell the biggest lie of all. I finally meet her eyes. “Turns out, I don’t love you, Nina. I just wanted to fuck you.”

Her hands drop from the trunk, her face pale as she rears back like I’ve struck her. She swallows and shakes her head. “You’re just saying that to get me to leave.”

“I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I want you to leave. You should ask yourself why.”