Page 44 of Crowned In Sin

“No one would let us disappear,” I murmur to her. And some small part inside of me fights at the idea of leaving.

Isabel thinks about it. “You’re right. It’s not likely that we could slip away unnoticed. We’d have to wait until the middle of the night, and your father would know you were missing by morning.” She cocks a brow at me as if she’d truly do it. As if one more person I love would destroy their life for my selfishness.

Thinking of my father’s distress turns my eyes glassy with fresh tears and I hate it. The emotions are far too much. Isabel dabs my face again. My eyes will be swollen until at least tomorrow. I can’t decide if that is a blessing or a curse.

“I’ve failed him,” I tell my friend miserably. “I have failed my father, and the kingdom⁠—”

“Shh,” Isabel says. “You have not.”

“I have,” I insist. “Everything is ruined now.”

“It’s not ruined,” Isabel soothes. “We do not yet know what distressed Prince Jasper. Perhaps his brother had news from home that could not wait.”

Or perhaps I took a secret lover without knowing that he was the brother of a prince. Perhaps I gave part of my heart to a man with a scarred face…then gave the rest of it to his brother. Perhaps I did not see the foolishness of my ways until Casen stood before me in the sunroom, and now I cannot see a way out of this cruel web I’ve woven that does not break my heart.

I’ve yet to confess to Isabel, my one true confident. Every time I try, my throat tightens and I swallow the words down.

I let Isabel think she has convinced me. She does not know what I have done in my chambers with Casen. No one knows now except Prince Jasper…and Prince Casen.

It is a blessing that only I heard the whispers prior to the banishment. A small reprieve.

Will it come to a brutal end for one of them? I don’t think I can bear it if that happens. I cannot watch their relationship sour because of what I’ve done.

There’s no way to decide between them. I gave myself to both men. Will it come down to who I gave myself to first? That would be Casen, but it was done without the blessing of my father. I didn’t care about such things when I was with him in the dark, and in truth I do not care much about it now. I only care about the heartbreak I will cause if I choose Casen. Though I will not cause less heartbreak should I choose Jasper.

If either of them will have me, a voice whispers in the back of my head.

Even now, they could be preparing to ride out from the palace and return to their own kingdom. They might leave it to me to explain how Prince Jasper’s courting of me ended in disaster. Word would spread out through the kingdoms. There will be no one who does not know of me in the end.

And yet, all I can care about are the hearts of two men I gave my own to. I care not what others think or what would become of the kingdoms.

I force myself to think only of the gardens. There is nothing I can do now. I must wait for word from my father or the princes.

It seems like hours have passed before there is a tentative knock at the door to my chambers. Isabel takes me to sit in a chair by the window, squeezes my hand, and goes to answer the door.

It is my father, the king.

Isabel curtsies deeply, then steps aside to let him come through. As soon as he has entered, she sweeps into the hallway and closes the door behind her.

I know I should rise to greet my father, but my legs feel too weak to rise from my chair. There is no telling what news he brings. All I dare to do is look into his face. His brows are knitted with concern, though I cannot tell if it is concern for the courtship with Prince Jasper that may be in ruins or for me.

My father crosses the room and goes to one knee before me, taking my hands.

The emotions dry up in my throat. The last time my father knelt before me this way, it was after my mother passed. I thought I would never stop crying then, either, and in those days I wept for the loss of her, but also the loss of everything we might do together. I would never be able to discuss suitors with her. She would never again talk with her friends to find out whose son might be available for a match. My mother would not witness my wedding. Suddenly, it became ever more important that I do all these things perfectly. If she could not be part of the courting process, I must proceed through it without a single flaw.

I suppose I have been weeping for that, too. For the mess I have made of all of this. I have not even allowed myself to think about how disappointed my mother would be.

My father loved her more than anyone. And for a few precious days, I thought I might have found something similar with the man who visited me in secret…and then with Prince Jasper.

That was before I knew who they were to each other. That was before Jasper knew who his brother was to me. There can be no denying that this is what they fought over. What other matter could have driven Prince Jasper to say such things, or Prince Casen to have had such an expression on his face?

My father looks up at me, waiting with patience I don’t feel I deserve.

“Cora,” he says, squeezing my hands gently. “I wish to speak with you, but I do not wish to distress you further. Are you well enough to talk?”

“Yes, Father,” I answer, finding that I am not only strong enough, I am desperate enough. I need to make this right and I need someone to confess to. The conversation is upon us. It is happening whether I am prepared or not. That is its own comfort. “Do you have news for me?”

“I think, daughter, that you may have news for me.”