Page 55 of Snowed In with You

‘Or die.’

Lucy gave him a sharp look. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Nothing,’ said Nate with a shrug.

‘No, you can’t say nothing. What does that mean?’

Nate sighed and backed away a little, holding the palms of his hands up. ‘Look, I just assumed that this is actually all about your brother.’

Lucy said nothing, her mouth hanging open as she stared at Nate and tried to make sense of what he had just said. ‘Leo? You think the situation between you and me is about Leo?’

‘No, not just you and me. I mean . . . your unwillingness to commit to a relationship. Or let anyone get close, or give up any kind of control, or whatever.’ His voice tailed off, and he looked away, unable to maintain eye contact.

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ said Lucy, a sick feeling rising in her throat.

Nate blew out his cheeks and put his hands on his hips. ‘I’m just saying that Leo was the most significant partnership of your life, and then he died. So maybe now . . . you subconsciously can’t form meaningful relationships.’

He tried to make the words sound casual and throwaway, but they hit Lucy like a punch in the gut, leaving her feeling like she’d been winded.

‘It’s just a thought,’ he added when Lucy didn’t reply. ‘I guess it seemed pretty obvious to me.’

‘Fucking hell, Nate,’ said Lucy, once she’d got her breath back. ‘Who made you Poundland’s answer to Sigmund Freud?’

Nate backed away a little further, like he was worried Lucy was going to hit him. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend. It’s just an observation.’

‘Yeah, well, if I’m in the market for some unsolicited therapy, I’ll ask for it.’ She looked away, feeling confused and exposed and nauseous. Like Nate had peeled open her chest and found a malignant growth that she’d never even known was there, and definitely didn’t want to dissect further.

‘But if you asked for it, it wouldn’t be unsolicited,’ said Nate with a helpless smile, trying to take the heat out of the conversation. ‘Aren’t you the copywriter?’

‘Fuck off, Nate,’ snapped Lucy, folding her arms tightly around her body. ‘I really don’t appreciate this conversation. We barely know each other.’

‘You didn’t say that last night,’ said Nate, clearly knowing he was beaten and playing the only card he had left. ‘Or this morning.’

Lucy shook her head, the angry, metallic taste in her mouth turning bitter. ‘Don’t you dare throw that at me. You knew the score, we both did.’

‘I’m sorry,’ said Nate, hanging his head. ‘That was a low blow.’

Lucy was about to answer, but was interrupted by footsteps on the stairs and a gentle knock on the door. Willem’s head appeared, his face pink and animated. ‘The rescue people are nearly here,’ he said excitedly. ‘We can hear the tractor thing. It’s really close.’

‘OK,’ said Lucy. ‘We’ll be down in a minute.’ Willem took in the scene, clearly reluctant to leave without getting the gossip for Alex, then left again.

‘I’m really sorry,’ repeated Nate, after Willem’s footsteps had retreated down the stairs. ‘I shouldn’t have said anything. Please, can we not leave things like this?’

‘Fine,’ said Lucy, taking a deep breath and forcing a weak smile even though she felt like she might be sick. ‘But at some point in the next few days we’ll both be back at work, and I think it’s reasonable to assume that neither of us wants people gossiping about us.’ She tilted her head and gave him a significant look, hoping he would join the dots without her having to actually say what she knew about Sasha. His brow furrowed for a few seconds, then softened into realisation as the penny dropped.

‘Ah,’ he said. ‘Right.’

‘So let’s put this down to an incredible and extraordinary experience,’ she continued, ‘and leave it there.’

‘OK, I accept that,’ said Nate earnestly. ‘But that doesn’t mean I want to forget.’

Neither do I, thought Lucy, but telling Nate that wouldn’t be helpful, and the alternative was too terrifying. She looked down at her hand, which was still clutching the black marker pen. ‘Fine,’ she said. ‘I’ll give you a reminder that will last a few days, before you go cold turkey.’ She took his wrist and turned it over, then carefully wrote WAHZ in a swirly calligraphy script just below the crook of his elbow.

‘There,’ she said with a smile. ‘We’ll Always Have Zermatt.’

Nate laughed, and for a moment Lucy wobbled, wondering what would happen if she leaned in to kiss him. Even when she was angry and upset, there was this strange connection that drew her to him. She thought about last night, and what it might be like if their bodies came together in a haze of fumbling zips for a sweaty, urgent coupling against the cardboard boxes in the corner, all finished in a passionate few minutes before Ulrich’s bus arrived. The look in Nate’s eyes suggested he was thinking the same thing, but it was way too complicated for a hundred different reasons.

‘So that’s it, for me and you,’ he said quietly.