Page 76 of Changing Lanes

“He lost a lot of blood, too much. All because I wanted to get to Ava. I’m not sure if I’ve resented her since, but I sure as hell felt like if she was so important, I should always make her a priority.” Shaking my head, I try to clear the memory of finding him.

“It was an accident, one you need to forgive yourself for.” Stepping closer, she takes my hand. “You’re a good man, you’ve paid the price.”

“I didn’t know you called me. I never saw…” I trail off when realization hits. “Ava,” we say in unison. “She must’ve deleted it. I’m sorry.”

“I figured that out a few weeks ago, but thank you,” she offers.

“Can I show you something?” I tug at her hand.

“Always.” Hesitant but she follows me.

We walk across the field to the barn. Opening the door, I hold her hand as she steps through. I help her up the ladder this time, on her own. Climbing up behind her, she giggles as she gets to the top. Her dress slips up when she throws her leg over the top.

“Do you do this when I have a dress on so you can see my panties?” She looks over her shoulder as I get to the top.

“Honestly, no. Because I’d plan it so you didn’t have panties on.” She smacks my arm as I crawl past her. “Just being honest.” I shrug.

“Whatever. What are we doing?” Her forehead wrinkles with question.

“I’m sorry I talked about you to Ava. I missed you, Torrie. I keep telling you, Ava knows how I feel.” Taking her hand, I rest it on my leg.

“I’m not sure she’ll ever understand. She thinks you belong to her.” Her eyes drop as she contemplates her words.

“There’s not a lot I can do about it. When she asked me what happened between us, I told her your father had other plans for you. I told her you needed to work things out with your dad, and if ever you come to find me, I’m yours.” Digging my box out from under the straw in the corner, I open it.

“What’s that?” She peeks around my shoulder.

“Stupid stuff. Memorabilia, things from my heart.” Searching through the papers, I find the one I’m looking for. “Only one person in this world has ever seen this, and she was too young to understand.” I hand her the folded paper.

She glances from my hand to my face, slowly taking the paper. It’s a light tan in color now, ten years in a box covered in a barn does that to paper. She scans the paper, and I’m sure she’s confused about what she’s reading. I give her a few minutes to read it all.

“What is this? I mean, it’s names but why?” Her faced is pinched up in question.

“When Ava suggested we need to pick a name for a girl, I started like this, trying to find the right one.” Tapping the paper with my finger.

“Randi, Avery, Bobbi, Wynnie? Wynnie? Wait. What are these?” she asks, looking from the paper to my face.

“Boy names with a twist, except for the last one. It’s taken from your middle name. I wanted my children to be with you, Andi is as close to a ‘Torrence’ I could get.” Explaining to her.

“So, you gave your daughter a gender-neutral name so it would remind you of me?” Her small smile plays at her lips.

“Yeah, at the time it’s all I could do. If I had to give you up, I’d do all I could to remember you.” Using my finger, I wipe a stray tear from her face.

“Brannon, I don’t know what to say.” She kisses me tenderly.

“I want you to know, to understand. I get it, damn, I get it. Ava is beyond controlling, but I could never love her the way I love you. Are there things we need to learn about each other, yes. But, Torrie, I’d rather fight the havoc with you than live without you.” Taking her face in my hands, I press our lips together.

“I want that too, but can we survive it?” Her tears run around my fingers on her face.

“We’re here. We’re trying. All these years later, you still make my heart skip a beat.”

Laying her back, straw tangles in her hair as it fans around her. I could get lost in her eyes alone. The bluest of blues with what looks like silver strands running through it. Her full lips, soft pink, spread, waiting to meet mine.

I hover over her, gazing into her eyes. She takes my breath as I look at her beneath me. Her fingers lightly run over my bottom lip as she trembles. Grazing her cheek with my thumb, she gasps from the contact.

Time has no place here, in her eyes, I search for our future. Spend time with our past. Find answers for the present. Watching as we grow old together, here, in her eyes. As her heart pounds with mine, I know this is our path.

“Torrie, I can’t give you the world. I can’t promise tomorrow will be better. But I can tell you, you’ll have me. Forever.” Kissing her, she sighs.