Page 134 of Rumor Has It

The door opens, bouncing off the wall. “What?”

“What? Where in the hell have you been? I’ve searched all of LA for you. Are you alright, where did he hurt you?” I step through the door, trying to get a look at her and make sure she’s alright.

“Like it matters?” She glares at me.

I’m affronted. “Hell yes, it matters to me.”

“You’re such a bad liar. I should’ve seen through all of your shit.” She runs her hand through her hair.

“Come again?” I can’t say I’m shocked, but her anger seems a bit misplaced.

“You! You’ve lied to me for years, Boone. At least I’ve never lied to you.” Her tears begin to fall as she fights them.

I step back, gathering myself. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you. But when he showed up, you had already made your mind up about everything, I thought it was best to not say anything.”

“So, it’s okay I believe it? I mean, isn’t it bad enough I picked a piece of shit to be her father? To learn he isn’t even the one taking care of her, which is one of the reasons I thought he deserved a chance. To only find out, it’s been YOU all this time!” Her hands are now fisting her hair, her world spinning out of control and sweeping me up in it as it always has. And rightfully so.

“I’m sorry! I thought it was better for you to think that, than to realize he never gave a fuck about either of you! So, yeah I made a mistake.”

“What? Why? Because I’m a whore and don’t deserve to know the truth? Or because you needed to teach me a lesson?” she screams, sending my already raging temper into over drive.

“Why in the hell, better yet, what would I think that for? I’m the man standing in front of you… loving you both, and you can’t even see me for looking at him! I’m here, Mackenzie! Where I’ve always been, for you. Both of you,” I yell at her, hating myself the minute it comes out.

“You’re right, I’ve been so blind.” She pales in response to my unleashed wrath of anger.

“Why? Why have I never been good enough for you, Kenzie.” I pound my chest, praying it will start beating again. But I suppose it can’t, since it isn’t even there. “Why aren’t we enough for you?”

“The fact you have to ask that proves you never knew me.” She sobs, stumbling to the door. “Leave. Go now.”

“No, you’ve pushed me away for the last time. I’m not leaving because if I do this time, I’ll never come back.” I shake my head violently, throwing the box in my hand through the house. It bounces off a door, spinning across the floor and into another room. “We’ve lived for years wanting, needing each other, even waiting until fate would allow us to be together again.”

“No. You lived as if fate would bring us back together, like you were gone to summer camp and would be home soon. All the while, I was fooling myself into thinking I was doing what was best for you. Only to learn, you never left, you just wasn’t with us. I wasn’t good enough for you then or now. I want you to leave.” Her body closes in on itself; she’s destroyed and at my hand.

I stomp over to the door madder than hell, but knowing we need some distance. Now. “Call me if you can ever decide if I’m good enough.”

Her head snaps up, and this time it’s Mackenzie who bares her scars. “It’s me, Boone! I’m not good enough! Not for either of you! I hate myself for not seeing what you were doing for us, for who you’ve been all these years, and realizing I’ve wasted them. I convinced myself that I was doing the right thing for all of us, but what I was doing was saving you.”

“Saving me from what?” She wears her pain and mine.

She starts closing the door and pushing me out, stopping long enough to gaze at me. “From me, Boone. I’ve been saving you from me. You’re better than me, and you deserve so much more.”

The door closes with the sound of locks being done on the other side. I stand there in the ashes of the love I set on fire. I’ve fought a ghost for years with her, never realizing she was fighting herself.

I lay my hand on the door, wanting to tell her all the things I never did. Not because she wasn’t worthy, but because she was worth so much more than she ever received.

Sometimes, when you love someone, you make mistakes together. Often times, you make your own that effects both of you. It seems as though we’ve always gone backward more than we ever could go forward.

We’ve taken missteps, and staggered through life, clinging to the only thing we’ve ever shared. Our love. It’s taken the brunt of every failure we’ve ever had. Surely, a love like this can make it through hell.

Because she is the love of my life.

Always.

***

I climb from my car, dragging my ass in the building. The last thing I want to do is work right now, but I suppose one of us wallowing in this mess we’ve created is enough.

Ridge told me he and Maisyn were going over to see Mackenzie sometime today. I hope they can shake some sense into her. God knows I’ve never been able to do it.