Page 13 of Drive Me Crazy

"You're a mean ass preggers!"

"Mark my words, you're gonna end up with the herply erplies!"

I hold my hands up, pleading my case. "C'mon, would I do that?"

No sooner do the words leave my mouth that the echo of heels fills the bay. Mack's eyes narrow as her grip on my hair tightens. It's safe to say, my ability to make sound decisions when I'm inebriated is a moot point.

"Get her outta here." She growls. As the clickity-clack gets closer, Mack releases me so I can face my problems head on. She's kind like that, a mamma bear.

"Ridge." Mena's nasally whine bounces around the room, adding to my chagrin. "How about breakfast?"

"Nah, I've got a lot of work." I grind my jaw at her purposeful entrance. "I asked you to go out the side door."

"Where's the fun in that? Besides, I'd miss Mack's full on pregnant face if I did." Mena blows her cheeks out, implying she's fat.

I cut my eyes in Mack's direction and catch her picking up a wrench as she walks toward us. "You better get outta here, she's gonna drag you in the back and dispose of you later."

"Please!" Mena rolls her eyes.

"Leave." Mack points at the door. "Now or I'm going to fix your face for good."

Mena is bright red and I can't help but snicker. "You better haul ass."

"I'll call you." She slings her hair behind her back before coming in for a kiss. Seriously, who does that without brushing their teeth first?

"Uh, no." I wave her off. "Morning breath."

Mena leans closer. "I used your brush."

"Oh, god." Mack covers her mouth, pretending to vomit. "Was it the one on the sink or in the shower?"

"What's it to you?" Mena curls her lip.

Mack shrugs and all I can do is hang my head. "Well, nothing but it might be to you considering he uses one for cleaning and the other for his teeth."

"Which one is right?" Mena's eyes are round with fear.

"I'm not telling." Mack cackles, sending Mena running out of the door. I look up at my best friend, dancing around as she laughs her ass off.

"Such a mean ass."

She holds her hand up, waiting for me to hit it. "Ha! That was freakin' classic!"

"Nice to see marriage and motherhood has helped you to grow into a well-rounded person."

She cocks her brow. "High five or I'm giving you a Wet Willy to match your dip stick, Peanut."

"I hate you." I slap her hand and struggle not to laugh with her. I can't tell her to stop, her laughter is one of my favorite sounds in the world.

"It's called tough love, get used to it."

"Nah, I'm good." I hold my hands up as I back away from her. "I've had enough of that for a lifetime."

"Keep hangin' around Pick-n-Poke and you're gonna wish you had listened."

I wrinkle my nose. "Where in the hell do you come up with these analogies?"

"What?" She blinks innocently. "You mean like, STD's R Us? Or do you prefer, Motel Sex Disease?"