Page 109 of The Do-Over

I stood and a cascade of cookie crumbs tumbled off me. Brushing them away, I stumbled into my bedroom. I couldn’t go back to my old life. I couldn’t spend the rest of my life at a job I hated. I couldn’t wait for my mother to make the first move. I couldn’t let Phee ignore me or Bria freeze me out. I’d find a way to keep Nate as a friend. It wouldn’t all work out. I could, and would, fail, but it would be okay. Because at least I’d tried. I had to try.

Surveying my closet, I pushed aside the Suits of Neutral Colors and picked out a lime-green t-shirt and leggings and dressed quickly. The time for wallowing was over.

Now it was time to try.

FORTY-THREE

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Which is a hell of a lot cheaper than a health insurance plan.”

—MIMI

The fast-food joint Bria worked at was quiet when I got there an hour later. Bria was on her break, so I ordered a soda and sat in the corner booth.

I fidgeted with my phone while I waited, unsure what her reaction would be when she saw me. Since that last awful conversation, my text messages and voicemails had gone unanswered. Although I checked up on her often through Stella, I wanted to lay eyes on her; I wanted to talk to her; I wanted to tell her I was sorry.

Fifteen minutes later, she walked through the front door. She must have seen me immediately because she didn’t hesitate in making a path to me. I gave her a little wave and took a deep breath.

She slid in across from me and crossed her arms. “What are you doing here?”

“Nice hair,” I said. It was dyed a silvery-lavender now and clashed with her yellow-and-orange-striped uniform shirt.

An arched eyebrow was my reply. Okay, tough crowd.

I leaned in and risked touching the hand she had on the table. She let me, so that was a good sign. “I’ve tried to call.”

“I got your messages.”

“Oh, good. I thought maybe you got a new number or… something.”

“I was busy,” she said, and studied her fingernails carefully. Like there’d be a quiz on them afterward.

She was not going to make this easy on me, but I hadn’t really expected her to. Bria had a life full of people who’d given up on her. Maybe she thought it was easier to be the one who gave up first. That put her in control.

But I was here to let her know I wasn’t going anywhere.

“I’m sorry if I ever made you feel you were less than. You were right. I know how that feels.” I paused, surprised by a wave of emotion I hadn’t expected. “The thing is that I want the best for you, so I guess I started getting pushy. I guess you could say I learned that from the best.”

In some weird way, my mom’s pushiness and constant interference made more sense to me in that moment than ever before.

Bria studied me with wide dark eyes that I couldn’t quite read. I forged on, wanting to get all of this out while I had the chance.

“I don’t have all the right answers though, and I never should have made you feel like my way was the best way. But I want you to know that I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. You can ignore me and not answer my calls, but I will still be here when you need me. Always.” I swallowed and waited for a reaction, an understanding, a coupon for free French fries, anything. “I’m done now.”

The next moment was long. Bria’s face gave no hints, not a smile or a crack in the stern set of her jaw, nothing. Maybe that was all I would get. I’d tried. I’d reached out to her. That was all I could do. If I failed, it was okay. Like Mimi said, it didn’t mean I was a failure; it meant I cared enough to try.

I slung my purse over my shoulder and grabbed my cup. “I know you need to get back to work, so I’ll get going. Call me, maybe. If you want to.”

“I took my GED test.”

I froze and tried to keep my voice even and calm, but inside, hope bubbled, sprang eternal, whatever you wanted to call it. “Oh, you did?”

She nodded. “Those stupid word problems were a pain in the ass.”

I grinned and shuffled back to the table. “So?”

“I passed.”