Page 140 of The Blessing

He giggles as I lift him up and hold him close in my arms. His giggles are quickly silenced once he realizes how many people are staring at him. While he’s wild and talkative around Ronnie and me, he’s still a shy little guy. All these smiling faces are probably frightening him. He buries his face in my neck and puts his thumb back in his mouth.

“Come on, buddy. You’ve got to be brave today. You’re Daddy’s best man.”

His head doesn’t come up immediately, but as I rub his back, coaxing him to sit up in my arms, he finally does. He still looks hesitant, but it’s a step up from looking downright afraid. As strange as it is to think about, he’s just like me when I was a kid. I was always so fucking shy. I preferred to play by myself. Dean had to force me into doing things with him when I was really little. Thank, fuck I had him because I really started to open up due to his antics. A wistful smile tugs at my lips as I think of my brother. I wish he were here right now. God, he’d get such a fucking kick out of this. His little brother getting married. Who would’ve believed it? I can imagine what he’d say without an ounce of effort. Even though there was a time when we were miles apart, I still feel like I know him like the back of my fucking hand. I bet he’d come up to me and say, “Well, I’ll be damned, little brother. And just when I thought I’d seen it all, here you are getting hitched. Maybe Cat and I are just rubbing off on you, man. Whatever the reason, it’s nice to see you happy.”He definitely wouldn’t say anything like, “I didn’t think you had it in you” because he definitely saw through all of my bullshit. Dean saw a side of me no one else had—well, until Ronnie, of course. Like my brother, she was able to see me, my potential, the man I was underneath my armor.

“Daddy sad?” I hear Grey ask, as he reaches up to pull on my cheek.

I smile. He’s so much like Dean sometimes it’s crazy. “Daddy’s okay. Are you ready to do this, Grey?”

He smiles at this and gives me a determined nod. I raise up my hand and he quickly gives me an eager high-five before giggling at me. Now that I’m finally ready, I begin to make my way down the aisle. I almost feel like I’m in The Twilight Zone as I walk past all my family and friends toward the minister on the wooden stage. This feels so fucking surreal. Hell, I’m sure being married to Ronnie will feel surreal, too. Grey bobs his head to the piano music and gives a few of our guests a shy, familiar smile. Especially the women. He’s only fucking two and he’s already a ladies’ man. I’ve never seen a bigger flirt in my life. Hopefully, he’ll calm down by the time he’s actually able to date because otherwise I’ll be getting a large dose of karma for how I acted when I was that age.

As soon as we reach the front of the aisle and I take a small step onto the stage, turning around to look for Ronnie. I’m so desperate to finally see her in her wedding dress—I can’t begin to imagine how fucking beautiful she must look. I hold Grey tightly in my arms for support. The small band my mom hired begins to play a familiar melody, which causes my heart to skip a beat. Ronnie should be coming out of the house with her dad any minute, and it’s taking everything in me not to just run to her. Grey is just as eager, bouncing back and forth in my arms as he waits for his mommy to appear.

The light melody transforms into an intoxicating ballad and our two sets of bridesmaids and groomsmen walk down the aisle in pairs after our little flower girl, Harper. Harper is so fucking serious as she takes a handful of flowers out of the basket and throws it onto the ground before taking another handful and treating it the same way. I’ve got to suppress a laugh. As soon as the wedding party is finished doing their part, the energy in the air seems to shift for me. I can always feel Ronnie before I even see her. It’s like we’re two fucking magnets being pulled together—two bodies with the same fucking soul. When she appears at the end of the aisle on her father’s arm, tears prick my eyes. I wonder if I’ll be able to hold myself together.

The entire world fades away for a moment and all I’m aware of is her. I memorize every inch of her, committing it to memory so I can have it with me forever. She’s beautiful. Beyond beautiful. She’s everything I could’ve ever wanted. Everything I never even knew I wanted. She smiles at me from the end of the aisle. Her beauty causes a tear to roll down my cheek; I quickly wipe it away. I’m going to be crying like a fucking baby because of her. I just can’t help it, though. She looks like a fucking angel. I never want to take my eyes off of her. Another tear escapes down my cheek, but I can’t look away from my future wife. I’m utterly transfixed by watching her take one step in front of the other. Before I know it, Grey’s reaching up to wipe away one of my tears, which only makes me more of a mess. I take a long, deep breath as her father prepares to give her away. You can do this, Trev. Don’t make a fucking ass out of yourself.

“You look so beautiful,” I whisper as her dad places her hand into mine.

“You cleaned up pretty nice yourself,” she answers with a shy smile.

I kiss Grey on the forehead before lowering him to the floor so he’s standing between Ronnie and me. His eyes widen as he looks up at his mommy. “Mommy!” he gasps as his eyes fill with wonder. “Princess!”

All of our guests softly chuckle in response, and Ronnie’s eyes fill with tears and her smile grows even more stunning. The muscles in my face grow tense and my eyes become misty as she looks at me. Her eyes are filled with so much love. I can’t begin to understand what they do to me. She makes me feel like I’m ten feet tall and bulletproof. I’ll make a point to cherish her for the rest of my life. The minister begins the ceremony, and I can barely register what he’s saying. All I can seem to focus on is the beautiful woman in front of me. She seems to feel the same way because her soulful green eyes never leave mine. It’s as if we were all alone in a bubble, and no one else can touch us.

When she smiles at me the whole world stops. I’ll spend the rest of my life making her smile like that. What I wouldn’t give to see it every day. I can’t believe after everything that’s happened in my life, after all the shit I’ve done, she still finds something in me to love so fucking dearly. I can’t believe how fucking broken I was before I met her. She came into my life like a ray of sunlight on a dreary fucking day. As we get ready to say our vows, I can’t help but tear up again like a fucking baby. With a shaky hand, I grab the folded-up piece of paper from the breast pocket of my tux. I spent hours over the past few days writing my vows. I’ve never been one with words, so finding the right words to describe my love for her was nearly impossible and truthfully, these written words don’t even begin to scratch the surface when it comes to describing my feelings for Ronnie. I know what I feel, but I never know how to verbalize it. Thankfully, my actions speak louder than any of my endless ramblings.

It’s my turn to speak and I can barely breathe. Grey tugs on my pant leg and gives me an expectant look, as if he were silently questioning, “What the fuck, dad?” I smile at him and exhale the breath I didn’t know I was holding. I look at the paper I’m holding in my shaky hand in front of me and roll my eyes at the words. They sound so scripted… so rehearsed. My love for Ronnie has always felt wild and spontaneous. I want to give her more than these words because they barely sound like something I’d say. I give her a small, shy smile as I fold up the paper and tuck it back into my pocket before taking her hands in mine.

“Ronnie, from the very first moment I saw you, I knew you were my dream woman. You’re everything I could’ve ever wanted. I remember looking at you and thinking, ‘If I were a better man, I’d want a girl like that.’ I never thought you could ever want me, but to my surprise, you did. I spent the first couple months of our relationship in utter disbelief, and even now, as I look at you, I can’t believe I got so lucky. I won the lottery when I met you. You’ve been in my life for almost two years now, and baby, you surprise me at every fu—” I stop myself, knowing we have an audience and I can’t fucking curse. “You surprise me at every turn,” I continue. “You’re so giving, Ronnie. You give and give and expect nothing in return. I want to give and give to you. I want to give you the life you’ve always wanted. The love you’ve always deserved. I promise to be your best friend and lover every day for the rest of our lives. I love you now, and I’ll love you forever.”

Tears are trailing down my face by the time I’m finished speaking. I didn’t think I’d cry so much at my wedding—but here I am, sappy as fuck. My bride’s crying, as well. But she has a bright, tender smile on her lovely face. Eden hands her a tissue to wipe away her tears before handing her the piece of paper containing her own vows. Ronnie gathers herself for a moment, so we’re not both crying like two fucking lovesick idiots, before unfolding the piece of paper. Grey reaches out his free hand—as his other hand tightly grips mine—and grabs ahold of his mommy’s dress. She giggles at this and reaches down to give him her hand.

Looking away from her paper, apparently feeling spontaneous as well, Ronnie begins, “Trevor, you think you won the lottery when you met me, but the truth is, I won the best of everything in the world when I met you. I only thought I was living before you came into my life. I was happy, but part of me believes I was really just spending most of my time waiting for you. You’re always too hard on yourself, Trevor, but you’re the most caring, loving, and humble man I’ve ever known. Since you came into my life, you’ve been my anchor, my guiding light, my everything. You love with a tenacity which always manages to overwhelm me. You always say you have faults, Trev, but I love you for everything that you are. I promise to be your rock, your best friend, and your lover as long as we both shall live. And beyond that, if possible, because I’d follow you anywhere.”

Before I can stop myself or realize what I’m doing, I crash my lips against hers, wanting to express my emotions in another way. She tastes so sweet and her lips are so soft as they move against mine because of the tears she’s shed today. I’m sure my lips are just as soft as they move against hers. I kiss her like we’re the only two people around. Of course, we’re not, and it doesn’t take long for the yard to fill with sighs from the women and chuckles from some of the men. I break away, despite being unsatisfied because I’ll know I’ll be able to have her soon enough. I consider casting our guests an apologetic smile, but after that kiss, I’m anything but sorry.

Grey perks up at my side as the minister announces that it’s time to exchange rings. This is his one job and he’s committed to doing it right. I’ve never seen my toddler so fucking excited about anything before. With a giant, toothy grin, he carefully pulls each ring from the pocket of his jacket under our watchful eyes.

“Good job, buddy,” I whisper to him, giving him a satisfied smile.

Grey’s eyes widen at the compliment and he perks up even more. “Dank, Daddy,” he loudly says, interrupting the minister as soon as he begins to move ahead with the ceremony. “Did it, Daddy! I do right?!”

All of our guests chuckle at this and I can’t seem to stop smiling at my son. “You did it perfect, buddy.” With a proud smile, Grey hands me the rings. I hold onto my soon-to-be wife’s ring while giving mine to her. Greyson wraps his arms around my leg and watches us with curious eyes. I know he doesn’t completely understand what’s happening between us or what this ceremony means, but he’s excited to be a part of it nonetheless.

When the time finally comes, I slide the wedding band on Ronnie’s finger and repeat after our minister, “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you. This circle represents my infinite love for you. I marry you with this ring, with all that I have and all that I am.”

After I finished speaking, I stare at my girl, completely captivated by the fact she’s now truly mine. Well, she’s not really mine, she’s not the type of girl to be owned by a man. Rather, we’re one. I can’t begin to wrap my mind around it.

Ronnie eagerly takes ahold of my hand, ready to repeat the vows that bind us together. “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you. This circle represents my infinite love for you. I marry you with this ring, with all that I have and all that I am.” She slides the ring in place and whispers, “I love you, Trev.”

“I love you, too, beautiful.”

“Trevor and Veronica, you have heard the words about love and marriage, have exchanged your vows and made your promises to each other, and celebrated your union with the giving and receiving of rings. I now pronounce you husband and wife. Trevor, you may kiss your bride.”

He doesn’t have to tell me twice. I barely give him time to finish before my lips are on my bride’s. I intended to keep it short and sweet since all of our friends and family are here to witness it, but that idea flies out the window as soon as my wife’s—fuck does that title sound amazing—lips meet mine. This kiss is different from all the rest. This kiss is the first we share now that we’ve finally become one. Fuck, Ronnie’s my wife! This feels like a fucking fairy tale. Some princess gets her prince shit for sure! The sensation is so overwhelming I force myself to break away from her, knowing that if I don’t, I’ll have her on the ground in her birthday suit before I can regain my control. I take a step back and look at her gorgeous face, which is flushed with excitement and glowing with happiness. I’m sure I look exactly the same. We must look like a pair of lovesick fools, but I don’t mind. I feel like a lovesick fool when I’m around her.

My son tugging on my pant leg, brings me back to the here and now. I look down to see Grey holding his arms up, indicating that he wants to be held right now.