Page 6 of The Blessing

Chapter 4

Come as you are

Adrenaline courses through my veins as I walk to my truck with a shit-eating grin on my face. I can’t fucking believe it! I can’t believe I managed to get a job on my second day hunting! As the supervisor interviewed me for the position, I honestly thought I had no chance in hell of getting it. Of course, it isn’t the greatest job in the world, but it was one I could do well.

The position required no experience, which is perfect for me considering I’ve never had a job doing construction work. I walked out of the interview today as an entry-level laborer, and the job pays more than I’d hoped for. The hours are just right and will give me plenty of time to build a relationship with Grey. He’s lost everything so quickly, so I know he’ll need someone to care for him and provide a stable home.

As soon as I arrive at my parents’ home, he’s the only one I want to see. I find him playing with his stuffed Simba on the floor, while cartoons play on the television a few feet away. I stand in the doorway for a moment and smile at him, thinking about how quickly my life has changed. I feel like I’m slowly transforming into a man better than I ever thought I could be. If I keep making progress like this, who knows where I’ll be in a year’s time. So many responsibilities have been thrown at me so quickly; I knew this was a sink or swim situation. So, I’m so fucking happy I’ve managed to swim. I know I shouldn’t get too content with myself because I can still relapse and ruin everything, but I can’t help but feel a little proud of the progress I’ve made already.

Before my thoughts become pessimistic—which they always seem to do—Grey turns his little head around and smiles at me, squealing with excitement as I enter the room. He looks at me as if I were his whole world and it makes me feel fucking invincible. With my brother gone, I’m his dad now and the thought is so fucking bewildering. I’m someone’s dad… I’m responsible for this little human, so I can’t fuck this up. Of course, I’ll never measure up to his biological father, but I can try my fucking hardest to fill my brother’s shoes.

“Hey, buddy,” I quietly say as I sink down on the floor next to him.

He mumbles a few syllables in response before flipping himself over to lay on his back. My eyes widen at the great feat he just accomplished and pride overwhelms me. I’ve never seen him do that! Perhaps him turning over is something he’s done a million times before, but this is the first time I’ve been here to witness it. He kicks his legs and waves his hands around as he tries to work off some of the energy I can tell is overwhelming him. I reach down and tickle his belly, smiling at the sound of his laughter as it feels the room.

“You’re so strong, buddy!” I exclaim as I continue to lightly tickle him. “I’m so proud of you, Grey.”

He smiles at this as if he can perfectly understand me. My button-up shirt begins to constrict my movements, so I quickly take it off before I start playing with him, leaving me in my slacks and a white cotton T-shirt. Just as I lie down on the floor and pull Grey onto my chest, I hear a female gasp and look to find my mother standing in the doorway. For a moment, I’m confused, not understanding how anything about what I’m doing could be shocking—but then I realize she’s never seen the extent of my tattoos. I got all of them after I left home, so, I’ve been wearing long sleeved shirts since I returned. Of course, she’s seen the black and gray lotus flower tattoo on the side of my neck, but I’m sure she thought that was the extent of my body ink.

With wide-eyes, she takes in the sight of my sleeves on both arms. They feature art by the same tattoo artist from California and are intricate weavings of black and gray, expect for the only pop of color: a red rose on my right forearm. I give her a sheepish smile and shrug my shoulders before turning my attention back to Grey. What does she want me to say? I’m sorry for getting my tattoos? I don’t regret a single piece of ink… or a single piercing, for that matter. Luckily, most of my piercing are in places my mother will never see—because God knows if she found out about some of them, she’d fucking faint.

“How do you expect to get a job with your body covered in tattoos?” she asks condescendingly.

I can’t help but feel a bit smug as I answer her. “I already have a job, Mom. I start tomorrow, so I’ll need you to keep an eye on Grey for me.”

Her eyes widen and before she can say anything, my dad enters the room with a proud grin on his face. It’s the first time I’ve seen him really smile in a long time, and it’s satisfying to know I put it there.

“That’s great, son,” he says enthusiastically. “I can’t believe you found a job so quickly!”

“Yeah, we talked for about twenty-minutes and then he just hired me,” I tell him proudly.

“Well, that’s amazing,” Dad agrees as he wraps an arm around my mother’s shoulders. “We’re really happy for you.”

Grey squeals in agreement before nestling his face against my chest.

The first day on the job is no easy feat. It’s fucking difficult; I suppose I shouldn’t have expected much else. Despite being an entry-level construction job, they don’t mess around. My project manager, Jaxson, has shown me the ropes today, explaining all the equipment and letting me know exactly what I can expect on a jobsite. It doesn’t take long for me to figure out why they pay so fucking generously. This shit is more dangerous than I thought!

Our particular shifts begin in the early morning and end around one-thirty in the afternoon. The hours were one of the main reasons I jumped at the opportunity to get this job. If I can end my workday in the early afternoon, I get to spend the rest of my time with Grey. Around quitting time, Jaxson’s whole demeanor changes. He was so anal and serious earlier, but now he’s relaxed and fucking jovial.

“So, you new to town?” he asks as we pack up for the day.

I hesitate, not wanting to divulge my life story to a stranger. I feel like once people know a little bit about you, they just assume the rest. They think they have you all figured out because they’ve seen a sliver of your life. I want a fresh start—so, I don’t need a constant reminder of all the shit I had to go through to get to this point.

“I just moved back, actually,” I finally reply as I keep my head down and continue to pack my things. “I was traveling around the U.S. for a while,” I finish vaguely, not wanting to divulge any more.

“Well, that’s cool! I’ve always wanted to travel, but I haven’t managed to leave Colorado.”

“It’s not too different,” I comment mildly. Hell, I was high or drunk most of the time, so it wasn’t exactly the scenery that was keeping me entertained. “Everything seems to look the same after a while.”

“I doubt that,” he chuckles as he slings his backpack over his shoulder. “It’s so fucking dull here. I’ve already done everything there is to do. The scenery gets boring after a while here, too.”

My thoughts drift to California—where the sun would beat down on me and open my every pore. I always felt like I was fucking blossoming there. Maybe because everything seemed so alive around me. The sun was always bright and the people were lively and free. I can still feel the grass tickle my naked body after hours of getting high and fucking on an open field in Big Sur. I shake those thoughts from my mind—knowing that life is far behind me now. It was fun while it lasted, as many things are, but it’s over now and there’s no looking back. Evergreen is a different story. From what I can remember, the weather can be really fucking harsh during the winter and everyone sticks closer to home in those months. That is, unless they’re hitting up the slopes. But come summertime, the foothills and mountains are filled with hikers and campers. Thank fuck I came back in August so I have plenty of time to become acclimated to this fucking place. Evergreen is also about a half hour away from Denver, so we’re close enough to have a dope nightlife, which, for obvious reason, I’m going to try my best to fucking avoid.

“Well, there was a lot of beauty out in Cali,” I say breathlessly. This is the first time I thought on my old life in a positive light. I had a lot of good times there but, at the end of the day, I only felt empty.

“I’ve always wanted to go there,” Jaxson comments with a grin. “I’d love to try my hand at surfing. I’m pretty athletic so I think I’d be decent, you know? I do a lot of skiing and snowboarding during our off season. You should come with us this winter. You ski?”

I snort at his comment and wonder if I’ve made my first friend in Colorado. I don’t have any interest in hitting up any of my old friends from high school. They’ve either moved on to bigger and better things and I wouldn’t be able to keep up with them, or they’ve become bigger druggies who’d want nothing more than to pull me back into that lifestyle. While I want to surround myself with positive people—I also don’t want to feel too down on myself. Whenever I’m around someone my age who’s successful, I find they—intentionally or not—flaunt their success in my face which makes me feel even shitter about myself and my life choices. Even if they don’t mean to do it—it fucking feels that way. I want to surround myself with people who are going through some of the same struggles as I am, while being a lot more optimistic than I fucking am. I need good influences in my life right now. Jaxson seems like a potentially good option for me. He’s nice, successful in his own right, and doesn’t appear to be much older than me. It’d be nice to have a friend I’m on the same page with. Hell, it’d be even nicer if we were on the same fucking word—but with my history, I doubt I’ll find that.