Page 60 of The Blessing

“Man, I can’t right now. You know I don’t have the money to get back to Colorado.”

“Are you still sleeping on your friend’s couches?” he questions, obviously trying to keep the judgment out of his voice. He takes a deep breath, before continuing, “Man, just swallow your pride and come back home. I have a guest room and you’re more than welcome to it. Besides, I want you to meet your nephew. You’re going to love Greyson.”

“I’m not good with babies, Dean.” Knowing that I’m disappointing him, I quickly add, “I’ll come home soon. I promise. You’ll be seeing me again in no time.”

“Fine,” he sighs, and I can tell he’s disappointed with my non-committal answer. “I love you, Bro.”

I’ve never been one for affection, and I really hate talking about my feelings, but something inside of me forces the words out before I can overthink them. “I love you, too, Brother.”

My jaw clenches as tears prick my eyes. I sit in my seat, perfectly still—although, I want to really run out of this suffocating church and scream. I want to scream in hopes that Dean will hear me. But instead, I remain in my seat with my eyes closed. The muscles in my jaw are twitching with emotion. I’m so fucking thankful I got to tell him I love him. It’s as if part of me knew that conversation was my last chance to tell him. The saddest part of that memory was the fact that I did come back in the summer, just like he wanted me to. I did meet Greyson, just under very different circumstances. The universe seems to have a fucked-up sense of humor. If that drunk driver hadn’t killed Dean and Cat, I’d probably be staying in their guest room right now. That is, if I came back to Colorado at all. If they hadn’t been killed, I’m not sure I would’ve ever come back. I hadn’t planned on it and I’d been spending most of my money on drugs and liquor. A chill slowly creeps down my spine as I realize I probably wouldn’t have changed if it weren’t for his untimely death. Fuck, that thought makes me want to throw up.

A few more people speak after Devon. Their stories vary but are just as sad. I watch the back of Travis’s head, waiting for him to get up and share his story. However, he doesn’t rise from his seat. He keeps his head lowered during the duration of the meeting. As soon as the meeting comes to its close, Travis jumps from his seat and quickly heads out the door. Other members hang around and enjoy the refreshments—which consist of a two-liter bottle of lemonade and another of Pepsi, along with a few assortments of cookies from a nearby grocery store. I make my way past the snack table and try to catch up with Travis. He’s weaving his way around people as he tries to get out of the church as quickly as possible. I’m stopped a few times by other members on my quest, and I mumble an apology before I continue on.

“Travis!” I call out, as soon as I’m within earshot of him in the parking lot.

He turns to look at me and his eyes widen for a moment, but he doesn’t stop walking. In fact, he picks up his pace and practically throws himself in his car before taking off. What the fuck was that?

I walk through the door of Ronnie’s apartment just as baffled as I was when I left the church. In all the years I’ve known Travis, I’ve never seen him react that way to anything. He seemed so put-off to see me and I can’t imagine why. I’m sure he’s worried about what I must think of him—but why would he be? He knows about my past. Hell, he saw my shit behavior in high school, as well. He knows I’m not perfect, so why would he believe I’d think less of him if he wasn’t perfect either? He should know me better than that.

The sound of Grey’s giggles pulls my mind back to the present. As soon as he sees me, he perks up on the floor and desperately tries to stand, falling down quite a few times in the process. Ronnie giggles at his efforts, before finally standing up to help my little guy out. Standing behind him, she takes hold of both of his hands and gently helps him to his feet. As soon as he’s up, he can’t seem to move fast enough to get to me. He stumbles a few times, but I meet him halfway. I drop to my knees in front of him, so he can grab me as soon as possible. He squeals as Ronnie lets go of his hands so that he could get a grip on me. He quickly tries to fist my shirt, almost falling on his ass. I manage to catch him before he falls and scoop him up into my arms before I tickle his stomach. If you told me a year ago I’d be tickling someone in the near future—I would’ve fucking laughed.

“He’s been super eager for you to get home,” Ronnie says with a grin. As soon as she sees my exhausted face, her smile falters and she sits back on her heels. “How was the meeting? You look worn out.”

I shrug the way I usually do when I don’t want to talk about things. However, as soon as I see her soulful eyes boring into mine, I can’t help but open up. I rise to my feet—still holding Grey in my arms—and she follows me to the couch in her living room. As soon as we’re comfortable, the words pour out. I tell her about my history with my brother’s best friend and explain to her what he was like growing up. “He drank, but he wasn’t a drunk. And he had nothing on me, even when he was hitting it hard. Of course, I don’t know the type of man he became after he left—but, seeing him today at that meeting was beyond strange.”

“Wait,” Ronnie says as she places her hand on my thigh, “You saw your brother’s friend at the A.A. meeting?”

I smirk at my apparent inability to tell a story. “Yeah, he sat a few rows ahead of me. We didn’t speak.”

“Did you not want to reach out to him?”

“No, that wasn’t it.” A humorless laugh escapes my lips. “He didn’t want to reach out to me, apparently. He took off as soon as he saw me.”

“That is strange,” Ronnie says thoughtfully. “Do you have his number? Maybe you should shoot him a text and ask him about tonight.”

“He gave it to me a while ago, but I don’t know what I did with it. I think I crumbled it up and threw it out because I had no intention of really calling him. I was still bitter towards him for not attending my brother’s funeral and just seeing him that day in the diner brought back so many memories that I wanted to forget.” Fuck, how I wish I would’ve kept it now. “I’m sure he’ll be back. I couldn’t have scared him away.”

“I’m sure you didn’t, Trev. Maybe he just needs his space right now. Once you know something, it might change the way you look at a person. I’m sure that’s what’s going on in his mind right now. I’m sure he just didn’t want you to see him like that.”

“Like what? He’s worried that since I saw him now I know he’s like me?”

Ronnie frowns at my harsh tone and quickly looks away. With a regretful sigh, I gently take ahold of her chin between my forefinger and thumb to turn her face back toward me. She doesn’t meet my eyes, and I know I’ve fucked up. I shouldn’t take my frustrations out on her. It’s not right. Not knowing what else to do, I press my lips against hers and relief floods my senses as she immediately kisses me back. I hate to see her upset, especially when I know I’m the reason for it. I vow to fuck up as little as possible when it comes to her. She and Grey are the two things in my life I can’t mess up. I don’t know what I’d do without them. I pull away to breathe and my girl smiles softly at me as she tucks her hair behind her ear.

“Sorry, babe. Seeing him just has me so messed up.”

“I understand. You’re going through so much right now, Trevor, but you’re handling it so well. You’ve got to be proud of yourself.” As soon as she sees the embarrassed look on my face, she adds, “Because I’m proud of you.”

Hearing that she’s proud of me is overwhelming. She can’t possibly know what those words do to me. I rarely heard those words growing up and never heard them as an adult until after Dean died. Even then, those words only came from my dad. I assumed it was because he had poor taste or was just such a nice guy, he didn’t see me for who I was. Maybe I’m not giving people enough credit. Knowing I’ve made my girlfriend proud is humbling. I’m certain that no matter how many times she says that to me, I’ll be just as humbled as I am right now. I rest my head against her shoulder and watch Grey as he wiggles around in my arms. Their presence is so calming; it’s truly incredible. It’s so nice to know that no matter what happens in the outside world, I’ll be able to come home to this.