Page 78 of The Blessing

chapter 30

black hole sun

He was young and in love… At least, that’s what I keep telling myself. The decisions he made years ago could be very different from the decisions he might’ve made if he was the man he is today. He found a girl and wanted to settle down—but that dream was ripped away from him. I contemplate what I would’ve done in his situation. If it had been Ronnie I’d left behind to chase a dream, only to come back to find she’d moved on with her life and married someone else, I would’ve been heartbroken. He had made a choice when he married my mother, though. He’d made the choice to forget everyone else and move on with his life. Why on Earth would he make that decision if he was in love with someone else? Someone he couldn’t have. Felicity was the one who got away—and I guess my dad could never find it within himself to let her go. Even after all this time.

My heart aches for my mother. When he betrayed her, he betrayed his children, as well. He assured me that it happened before I was born, but he still had Dean at the time. I don’t understand how he could do that to him. How could he put a piece of pussy before his own child? Why take the chance of potentially ruining his family? I could never imagine being unfaithful to Ronnie. I can’t imagine doing anything to risk losing her because I love her more than anything. Maybe my dad never loved my mother the way he loved this Felicity chick. When he married my mother, his heart still belonged to his old girlfriend.

After my dad’s revelation, dinner had been an uncomfortable and bleak affair with our conversation being kept to a minimum. After hearing his confession, I didn’t want to hear anything else from him. Despite it all, I still love him. I’ll always love my dad—but I know I’ll be fucking angry for a long time. While I love him, I’m not sure if I like him anymore. He seemed so melancholy after he told me. I know it has to be because he knows I’ll no longer look at him in the same favorable light. He’s not the hero I thought he was while I was growing up. It fucking sucks, but how can I still look up to him after all of this? The way he talked about her… the way he described the love he once had for her… It was as if he thought his love made all of his indiscretions okay. I didn’t need him to fucking patronize me like that.

“Now that we have that laid to rest, I hope we can move on, Trevor. Don’t let a mistake I made years ago affect our relationship now, son. Please,” he pleads as we finish our dinner.

I play with my glass of water, all the while avoiding his gaze. What the hell does he want me to say? My wounds are still so fresh. I can’t stand being lied to and patronized. “If our relationship is hurt by this—it’s not my fault.”

I can feel him regarding me with a touch of annoyance. “Trevor, I’ve forgiven you for so much because I love you and you’re my son. I’d like to believe that you can find it in your heart to forgive me, too.” He takes a deep breath and leans back in his chair. “I understand you’re angry, and it’s not easy to digest. Just know that I love you. The mistakes I’ve made and the things that I’ve done will never change that. Nothing will.”

I take one last drink of my water before I scoot my chair away from the table. Throwing a couple of twenties down on the tabletop, I get up to leave. “I love you, Dad. I do. I just don’t know if I like you very much at the moment.” My jaw clenches as I see the pain in his eyes. He looks as if he’s aged all of a sudden. “Just give me time, Dad.” I turn and leave without looking back.

I blast my music on the ride home, pretending my life wasn’t so fucking messy. Every time I feel like things are getting better, something sets me back. It’s like I’m continuously trudging up a hill, never able to reach the fucking top where things get easier. It seems like nothing will ever get easier. I roll my windows down and let the frigid air fill my lungs as I murmur along to “Wish You Were Here.” The song makes me remember the times I used to talentlessly shout the lyrics along with my brother. Singing distracts me, but every time the music fades out I remember why I’m angry in the first place.

As soon as I return home to my little family, I feel as though I can finally breathe again. They’re waiting for me on the couch, just like they said they’d be. Selfishly, I wake Grey up just so I can hear the sound of his voice, needing the comfort it provides. Ronnie doesn’t press me at first, she merely sits next to me and gently massages my back until I calm down. I watch my little man as he wiggles around in my arms before grabbing my thumb and bringing it to his mouth to gnaw on. I smile at the familiar action and relax against the couch.

“How’d it go?” Ronnie finally asks.

I shrug and watch Grey as he falls back to sleep in my arms. “It went about the way I’d expected it to.”

She frowns and slides across the couch to rest her head on my shoulder. “That bad, huh?”

I sit in silence for a moment, remembering how flippant my father was about the whole thing. He acted like just because his actions happened such a long time ago—they didn’t matter at all. His nonchalant attitude didn’t sit well with me. “He had an affair.” I pause before emitting a bitter laugh. “I fucking knew it.”

“How long did the affair go on?”

“He fucked around on my mom a few times before I was born. He’s pretty much been in love with this other woman the whole time.”

Ronnie sits calmly at my side, saying nothing. She holds my hand and allows me a moment to vent my frustrations to her.

“You should’ve seen how fucking flippant he was about the whole thing. The only thing he seemed to be regretful about was the fact I found out. He didn’t seem too remorseful about his behavior. He was just worried about how I’m going to look at him now. And honestly, I don’t know how to look at him anymore. You grow up thinking your parents love each other—at least, I did, and now I feel like it was all this huge fucking lie. I don’t even think he really loved my mother. He’s never talked about her the way he talked about this other woman. The look on his face when he mentioned the woman he fucked around with—well, it’s the look I get on my face when I talk about you. It’s like she’s the center of his universe or some shit like that. He’s never looked that way when he talked about my mom. I wonder if my mother knew about this other woman. Maybe that’s the reason she’s so cold all of the time. God, I’ve never been one to stand-up for her, but now I feel so bad for her, you know? Everything I’ve ever thought I knew about my parents has been turned on its head.”

“He’s still the man who loves you,” Ronnie supplies quietly.

“He may love me, but I don’t know who the fuck he is anymore.”

She gives me a sympathetic smile before bringing her soft lips to meet mine. Her kiss is so sweet and has the power to make me forget about everything that’s going on in my life, even if it’s just for one moment. I deepen the kiss, not wanting to talk about my parent’s fucked-up problems any longer.

She pulls back to catch her breath as she looks down at Grey—who’s still fast asleep on my lap—before she breathlessly questions, “Are you sure you want to do this tonight? You’ve had a really rough day.”

I nod, rising from the couch to go put Grey in his crib. “I need to feel you, Ronnie. I just need to forget about all of this shit for a little while.”

“Want me to put Grey to bed?”

“I got it. Just go to my bedroom and wait for me.”

I quickly get Grey ready for bed, happy he’s not being fussy with me. I change his diaper and dress him into his most comfortable onesie before tucking him safely into his crib. “I love you, Grey. Have a good night’s rest for Daddy.” He gives me a sleepy smile. I watch his eyelids flutter before he drifts off to sleep.

I find Ronnie sitting topless in the center of my bed, which causes my cock to harden instantly from just the sight of her. She’s so fucking gorgeous—every single inch of her. I’d spend the rest of my life worshipping her mother-fucking-fine body if she’d let me. I don’t bother taking my clothes off just yet. Instead, I ease onto the mattress and crawl my way up on top of her, pulling her soft body into my arms. Her body feels so incredible against mine—as if we were made for each other. I just want to lose myself in her completely. I press my lips to hers. She immediately opens her mouth to grant my tongue access, allowing me to enjoy the taste of her until I can barely breathe. When she’s just as breathless, I pull away and trail my wet lips down her neck to her tits. All the tension in my body finds its release as my lips latch around her nipple, sucking until she moans in pleasure. I’m obsessed with her tits, so much so, I’d be happy to die from suffocation between them. She moans and thrashes on the bed as I play with her body. I release her nipple just in time to cover her mouth with mine because the last thing I need is my crying son to cockblock me tonight.

I pull her little, red running shorts down her legs, as well as her sexy, white panties that make me hard every time she wears them. Who knew such an innocent piece of fabric could cause such a reaction from me. I trail my hand up her thigh, until I reach her wet core. I rub her clit with my thumb before I slip a single digit inside of her. I always want to make sure my girl comes before I fuck her since I know some chicks can’t get off by penetration alone. As amazing as I think I am in bed—I’m not completely oblivious to that fact. I add a second finger, then another to work her over real good. I want to make sure she’s thoroughly pleased and ready for me. My mouth finds her tits and I begin to suck on them again. I smile when I feel her core starting to pulse around my fingers. My cock becomes painfully hard against my zipper, begging to be released. I was in such a hurry to pleasure her, I forgot about stripping off my clothes. Ronnie’s impatient, so she violently grabs my shirt, pulling it over my head before yanking at my jeans.

“You’re going to unman me, sweetheart,” I tease, chuckling at her enthusiasm.