Page 83 of Save Me

“I said I can’t say that I have.” Maddox lets it linger.

“Ohhhh.” I tap the side of my head and nod at him. “I smell what you’re stepping in.”

Maddox gives the tiniest chuckle, and it’s like an explosion of joy fills the room. I grin so wide, soaking in the moment, then settle back against the headboard. I should tell him something real, though. How can I expect him to feel safe if I don’t take the risk myself?

My heart flutters. “But for real, I do have a secret.”

Maddox sobers.

My heart is racing, but I suck in a breath. “I have a curse.” Why does it feel like I’m a kid again, confessing that I stole a cookie from the cabinet? But it’s more serious than that. Suddenly, this is the most important thing in the world.

There’s a minute of silence, and I glance at Maddox. His eyes are scared, almost as scared as they were in the beginning.

His hand is resting by his side, right there between us. I want to grab it so badly, but I’m afraid.

“Okay,” I say, my heart racing. “Are you ready?” I can’t wait for him to say if he’s ready or not, so I rush out, “Okay, here goes: everyone I meet always leaves and finds their soulmate right after.”

My confession fills the room.

“But that’s not the secret.” My voice drops, and now I really don’t think I can breathe. Maybe I’m girlbossing too close to the sun. Maybe this is too far. But I can’t retreat now.

“The secret is that I was so afraid you’d do the same…that I made stupid choices. Like meddling in your life when you didn’t ask me to.”

There’s silence only broken by soft snoring, and I stare holes into Princess, whose body is rising and falling softly as he raises a racket.

Immediately, I want to fill the silence. Abort! Abort mission! Make a funny joke and save yourself from this dumpster fire! You just told him you wanted him to be your soulmate and you’re not perfect in the same breath. Do you hurt yourself for fun?

I hold my breath. Maddox has had too many cowards in his life, and I’m done being a coward. I hold on to my breath so hard that tears form in my eyes, so I can’t tell him I didn’t mean it.

Finally, Maddox says, “Meddled?” His voice is quiet.

“Yeah.” I look at the bed. “There’s a tracker in Princess’ collar, and I checked on your apartment one day. And Arthur…well, you know about Arthur. But I called it off.”

The room is silent except for Princess’ snores.

Finally, Maddox asks, “Why?”

I press my lips together. “Because you didn’t want me to.”

Finally, I risk a glance at Maddox. He just blinks at me like I just told him to tell me to go fuck myself in Japanese. Like he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. And it tortures me. What is he thinking?

“What?” I ask.

He narrows his gaze. “Because I asked you to? Just like that?”

My chest hurts from the shock in his tone because that must mean someone in his past hasn’t stopped, even though he asked them to. He doesn’t deserve that.

It’s about time I start doing that for him, too.

Slowly, so Maddox has time to stop me if he wants, I reach my hand down toward the hand he has on the bed.

He doesn’t move.

“Can I touch you?”

Maddox squeezes his eyes shut, then opens them again. He says nothing, and my chest hurts. He doesn’t want it. That’s okay, but it still burns.

I close my eyes.