Page 49 of Vega

He had been.

He used to.

Every sentence would remind me that there was no future waiting for us anymore.

“Novi, if you’re pregnant, you need to know.”

The tears came before I could stop them. “I can’t focus on that right now.”

Nia’s expression softened.

“I have to bury my boyfriend today!” My voice broke, but I forced the words out. “I have to sit there and watch them put the man I was supposed to marry into the ground! I can’t think about whether I’m carrying his baby too!”

The possibility should’ve brought hope. Instead, it terrified me. If I was pregnant, then Kash had left behind the family we had talked about without ever knowing it existed. I would have to raise his child while grieving him. Every milestone would carry the absence of the man who should’ve been there.

If I wasn’t pregnant, then the last possibility of having his baby would disappear forever.

Either answer would hurt.

Nia stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me as I burst into tears. I folded against her and cried into her shoulder.

She held me tighter, and for a moment, I let myself pretend her arms could keep me from falling apart. But nothing could hold together a heart that had broken in this many pieces.

By the time we reached the repast, I had run out of ways to pretend I was holding myself together.

The room was crowded with Kash’s family, our friends, and even people I had never met who kept approaching me to explain how much they loved him. His mother sat near the front of the banquet hall surrounded by women from her church. Kash had been her only son. She only had one other daughter, which meant losing him had taken everything she had built her life around. I had spent the days before the funeral helping her and his sister choose flowers, approve the obituary, organize photographs, and make decisions neither of us should have been forced to make.

I could barely survive losing the man I planned to marry. I couldn’t imagine burying the child I had carried, raised, and protected by myself. For most of the day, I stayed close to her. I made sure she drank water and ate a few bites.

Now that his mother was surrounded by friends, I slipped through the side door and stepped outside. I crossed my arms over my black dress and walked toward the quieter side of the building, away from the people mingling near the entrance.

For a minute, I simply stood there and breathed.

Then I reached into my purse for Kash’s secret phone. I opened Kash’s message, pressed the number beneath it, and lifted the phone to my ear.

I had been too busy helping Kash’s mother with arranging the funeral to make this call, but now that he was buried, I could focus on yet another heartbreaking task.

It rang twice.

“Yeah?” The man’s voice was deep enough to make me stand up straighter.

“Is this Cartier?”

Silence followed.

Then he asked, “Is this Novi?”

My fingers tightened around the phone. “How do you know my name?”

“You’re calling from Kash’s burner.”

“I found a message on it,” I said. “He told me that if anything happened to him, I should contact the Cartiers. He said to give you the phone and that you would protect me.”

The man became quiet again.

“All right. I’m going to text you an address. Meet us there tomorrow.”

I wiped beneath one eye before the tear could reach my cheek. “If Kash trusted all of you enough to send me to you, why weren’t you at his funeral?”