Page 38 of Cross Me

Alexander leapt to his feet and started around the desk, but I held up a hand.

“I wouldn’t come any closer than that,” I warned him. “I’ll see you in a little over a week.”

“But I was planning—”

“No,” I cut him off. “You’re not coming. You can keep trying to take this away from me, but I won’t let you.”

He looked hurt. Good. I wanted him to feel as helpless as I did. “I don’t want to take anything from you, Clara. I want to protect you.”

“From what?” I didn’t look back as I opened the door and stepped through, leaving him behind. “You?”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CLARA

The atmosphere at Silverstone was festive. I felt anything but. Unsurprisingly, the family had a house not far from the track. No one had visited it in years, but, like the other properties the Royals seemed to hoard, it was maintained and fit to house a small army.

It was a good thing, too, because every hotel and inn nearby had filled up within hours of the event’s announcement. Any worry we’d waited too long or that no one would be interested was unfounded—if only everything else in my life was going so smoothly.

I hadn’t spoken to Alexander since I’d left London. The last time we had gone this long without talking I’d been in a coma. Other than one text to let him know I’d safely arrived—his least favorite form of communication—I’d handed over updates to Brex. For once, I was glad he and Georgia were assigned to me. Norris had a frustrating habit of helping me see Alexander’s side, and right now, I wasn’t interested in psychoanalyzing my husband. I was more than happy to stay mad at him. He needed to sweat this out. What he’d done…I couldn’t even let myself think about it without worrying what I’d do.

Plus, there was too much to do before the opening ceremonies to waste energy on it. I had my hands full. Elizabeth was with me, so when I wasn’t going over my ceremonial duties or answering questions or preparing speeches, I was with her. It made me feel centered to have her there. It felt less like I’d left my heart behind in London.

When I popped my head into our temporary nursery, I found Elizabeth blinking wonderingly at me from her crib. She held her arms out, her lower lip beginning to tremble. For a terrible second, I saw everything through Elizabeth’s tear-stained eyes. Daddy was the one who went to her every morning. He changed her diapers and got her dressed. No matter how busy he was, Alexander never failed his daughter—and I had taken him away from her.

“Oh, sweetie, it’s only a few days,” I soothed her, kissing her curly head. She nuzzled against me, and I held her closely. She was proof that beautiful things came out of messy situations. “Let’s go find Penny.”

It took me longer to find the nanny than I expected, mostly because she was clinging to a toilet in the bathroom.

She looked up at me with watering eyes. “I told you the fish tasted off.”

“Oh, Penny!” I guessed it was a good thing that I’d had no real appetite for a few days. I’d picked at my dinner the night before, forcing down some bread. It was always harder for me to eat when I was stressed. Morning sickness didn’t help. “Can I get you anything?”

“No, ma’am.” She tore off a bit of toilet paper and wiped her mouth. “Give me a moment and I’ll be in to see to Elizabeth.”

“I’ll take Elizabeth,” I said firmly. “You rest.”

She opened her mouth to object and then clamped it shut frantically. A moment later, she lost her argument along with another round to the toilet.

I brought her a seltzer water from the fridge and then considered my options. There was too much for me to do to stay here. I would take Elizabeth with me. It took a few minutes to bundle her up in enough layers to keep her warm. In the end, she looked as squishy as a marshmallow and just as sweet. I took a picture to send Alexander, but then thought better of it.

I could only imagine what he would say if he saw me packing up Elizabeth’s diaper bag and preparing to take her down to a racetrack. He’d hear about it, though. There was no way the press wouldn’t have a field day with this. I had no doubt the same gossip rags that called me out for attending events without my daughter would declare me a terrible mother for bringing her with me. I was always damned if I did and damned if I didn’t.

Georgia, who was waiting in the sitting room, furrowed her brow when she saw Elizabeth.

“Oh good, take her,” I thrust my daughter into her arms and rushed to the kitchen for her sippy cup. I returned to find Georgia holding her under the arms and, keeping her far away from her body. She stared at Elizabeth like she was a rattlesnake. Elizabeth let out a screech and kicked her feet.

“I think she’s broken,” Georgia called over, a frantic edge in her voice. It was almost funny, except I seriously wondered if she was going to drop her and run for it.

“Okay.” I held out my hands and she deposited Elizabeth back into them with a grateful sigh. “Don’t like kids, huh?”

A shadow passed over her face, but she shook her head and smirked. “All they do is spew bodily fluids. What’s there to like?”

“I take it Smith won’t be making you a godmother,” I muttered, arranging Elizabeth on my hip and shouldering my bag. I usually had more help. If Alexander wasn’t with me, the members of our household staff were, or I had a pram. Norris had no issue helping with Elizabeth. He was practically her grandpa. Georgia was clearly the least valuable player when it came to childcare assistance.

“I love that you think he’d want her to have a godmother.” She snorted as if this thought was ludicrous. “Besides, I’m sure Belle will choose you. Who can compete with the Queen for that spot?” She snagged the bag from my shoulder and hooked it over hers.

“Thanks,” I said gratefully.