Page 97 of Robbin’ the Rich

"You’re not helping.”

He looked genuinely concerned.

"She's the derby girl, isn't she?"

I stared at him.

"How do you know that?"

His expression suggested I was an idiot. "Because Mom’s been having us followed."

For a second, I thought I'd misheard him. Then I remembered who my mother was. The horrifying thing was that the statement was just plausible enough.

My eyes narrowed. "Please tell me you're joking."

"Well, she’s having me followed, she’s just gathered information on you. You can’t just pull away from the family without consequences."

“This family is so dysfunctional."

Caleb just took out a cigarette and lit it before asking, "You really like her, don’t you?"

"Yeah, I do." The simple answer seemed to surprise him. Honesty wasn't exactly a family tradition. For a moment he looked down at the pavement.

When he finally spoke again, his voice was quieter. "So, what about everything else?"

“What are you talking about?”

“Before at the house. All that stuff about leaving the church and not believing it anymore. Did you mean it?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I did. We talk about love while making people feel unworthy. We talk about grace while deciding who deserves it. We talk about truth while ignoring the damage right in front of us. Everybody knows it. Nobody says it. Don’t you ever get sick of it? Of having to be perfect?” I asked.

He gave a rough chuckle. “I think we both know I’m no angel.”

I cocked my head at him. That was the closest he’d ever come to admitting the drug problem we all knew he hid, because we were right there with him hiding it.

"I can't do it anymore."

He took another drag from the cigarette, watching me.

"I spent years convincing myself there was some version of faith that still fit. Because I don’t know how to be in the church and be true to myself. Which then means I have no valuable place in the family."

As I said it out loud it was like I realized it for the first time. That was the problem. It seems so simple now that I’ve seen it, but when you’re in the middle of it the picture is a mess. I’ve been able to step back and see it fully. Robin helped me do that.

He just took another drag of the cigarette, still watching.

I shook my head. “Never mind. I don’t even know why I’m talking about this to you.”

“You’re right,” he said as stamped the cigarette out on the side of the wall before dropping it into the butt can. “What would I possibly be able to understand about unrealistic expectations? I don’t know anything about letting this family down.”

A look of recognition passed between us as I went over and sat on the bench next to him. “Today fucking sucks.”

He nodded and patted me on the back. “I bet the foods there. You know if we go back in, they will all act like nothing happened and you can just go home and keep ignoring us after.”

It was supposed to be encouraging, but it wasn’t. “I’m not going back in there.”

Then he shoved his hands deeper into his pockets and tilted his head toward the restaurant. "I'll cover for you."

I blinked. "What?"