Page 89 of Not Until I Found You

Zane stays quiet, giving me the space to find my words, much like I’ve been doing for my dad this whole time.

“I tried,” I continue, my voice cracking. “I wanted things to be different with us. I thought by now that he’d meet me halfway. That our relationship would be on the mend. But I’ve been here for almost two months now, and things feel the same.”

The fire pops, sparks lifting into the dark sky. I watch as they spiral up for a moment before they drift lazily toward the ground, the orange glow slowly fading away.

“I don’t know why it still hurts so much when I should be used to his silence by now.”

My throat feels like it closes with those words, my breath becoming shallow as the weight of it all finally breaks through. Zane doesn’t interrupt me. He listens until my words seem to run out and the tears come instead. I try to wipe them away quickly, embarrassed by how they spill over suddenly, but my hands shake too much to be effective.

“Hey, come here,” he says, shifting closer.

I hesitate at first, but then I take his hand, and without thinking, I climb onto his lap. I bring my arms up around him and bury my face in his neck. He hesitates, only for a second, before his arms come around me.

He holds me firmly, one hand cradling the back of my head, the other rubbing slow, soothing circles along my spine. His warm breath is on my ear, and I breathe him in, not caring about how he still smells like sweat from his workday. My sobs break through then, muffled against his shoulder as he lets me fall apart in his arms.

“It’s okay,” he whispers into my hair. “I’ve got you.”

And I believe him. I’ve learned that this kind of attentiveness is a part of who Zane is, and it’s the most attractive feature I’ve seen in a man for quite some time. How does he always seem to know exactly what I need?

My crying doesn’t stop all at once. It fades slowly until my breaths even out and Zane’s heartbeat is the only sound I can hear. His hand continues to stroke my hair, and he makes no motion to move away from this position, as if he has all the time in the world just to hold me.

When I finally lift my head, my cheeks are damp and my eyes burn, but I feel lighter. Zane’s gaze softens and holds mine while his thumb wipes away the tears on my cheek.

“You have a right to be upset. He missed out on so much because of his past choices. I’m sure it’ll take both of you more time than either of you expected to move forward.”

I shake my head. “I’ve grown so impatient, and I know that isn’t fair to him, especially since he has trouble communicating now.”

His thumb skims along my cheekbone, grounding me with the light touch. The energy around us grows quickly the longer I stay planted here in his lap. Should I move? Because I really don’t want to. If anything, I want to draw closer to him.

“I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. What you went through when you were younger couldn’t have been easy. But I know it’ll all work out in the end.”

My brows furrow together. “How do you know that?”

“Because, with God, all things are possible.”

A surge of electricity travels from his heart to mine, so surely that I can feel it.

“All things?”

It’s a simple reply. One that holds more weight than I meant for it to. All things, as in whatever this is between Zane and me. Unspoken things we’ve both been too afraid of saying out loud and have been awaiting their answer.

The muscles along his jaw leap as he considers what to say. He’s never been one to blurt something without weighting it first. It’s one of the many things I admire about him.

“Yes.” His Adam’s apple moves as he swallows. “All things.”

His words feel like a promise, one that I tuck away into my heart. My hand is resting on his neck, the urge to plunge my fingers into his hair growing with every passing breath. My fingers twitch, itching to make the move, but I’m not daring enough.

“Thank you,” I say softly, breaking the silence. “For being here for me.”

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

Zane’s eyes drop to my lips for a split second before they bounce up to mine again. He’s silently asking permission, and I’m almost positive he’s thinking the same thing as me: if it’s okay to come closer. And I want him to.

I nod, acknowledging his unspoken question. My heart stutters as Zane leans in, closing the distance slowly, as if giving me time to change my mind. I finally give in to my desire and glide my hand up his neck and into his hair, feeling the smooth strands fall through my fingers. My other hand drifts down past his shoulders, landing on his chest, where his heartbeat thunders as loudly as mine.

My eyes close as he erases the last inch between us. His lips finally meet mine in a gentle brush, as if not wanting to rush through this moment. It takes everything in me to keep my composure, because I’m ready to be consumed by him.

We’re careful with each other at first as our lips continue their slow exploration, and then I gasp when he deepens the kiss. I part my mouth instinctively, welcoming him. His hands move from my face to my lower back as he pulls me toward him. I want to stay right here where everything feels safe, but he breaks the kiss, pulling away quickly, as if the moment startled him.