Page 105 of For Your Consideration

I let out a sigh and led him down the hall to my place. I opened the door and stepped to the side to let Asher in. He glared at me before heading to stand near the TV with his arms crossed over his chest.

I went and sat on the couch. I wasn’t sleeping well. I knew the bags under my eyes were aggressive and I looked like a mess. I felt like it too.

Sophie must have been missing people just as much as I was since she wasn’t sleeping well either. She had woken up last night more than she had in the last few months and her naps today had been short.

“Talk to me,” he finally demanded after a short stare-off.

“You’re the one who came to me. I was getting some work done.”

He grunted his displeasure before he moved and sat on the coffee table in front of me. He was harder to avoid like this, all broody with those amber eyes that almost looked black today locking me in place.

“Tell me why you aren’t texting me or the rest of the group back. Why are you hiding at Iris’s? I want you to talk to me. I was trying to give you time because I know you aren’t used to being looked after, but fuck it. We’re going to talk about whatever it is that’s scared you. You can yell or break down but I’m not going anywhere.”

It broke me when he talked that long because he chose his words carefully before he spoke and didn’t say much unless he had to.

“Iris could have died.”

He reached out and put his hand on my knee, giving it a little squeeze, and his touch was the comfort I’d been missing for days. A self-inflicted punishment. I sank into the couch.

“I could have lost her and I know I didn’t but then I realized that for the first time in my life I have people I could lose. I was only worried about Sophie before; it was just me and her. That was controllable, that was safe. But then I was surrounded by your friends for days, looking after me and Sophie, and I just…panicked. About all of you.”

“They’re your friends too,” he replied quietly.

“But they aren’t, Ash. If you and I—” I bit my lip to stop myself, reminding myself what I told him we were. The lines were a little blurred for me and my heart. “If something happens and we don’t stay friends, I don’t just lose you. All of you would be gone and I don’t know how I would handle that. Not after knowing how it feels to have support. I would be okay if it was just me, but what about Sophie? How can I give her that and risk having it taken away.”

“Did I ever tell you what happened when Quinn and Knight broke up?”

“They broke up?” Quinn had only ever mentioned a fight to me before.

“Yeah, Knight was being a dumbass. When they broke up, we kicked Knight out of the group chat and we all still showed up for Quinn when she needed us. If our…friendship ends, not a single one of our friends will take my side. They’re friends with you regardless of me. I am removed from the equation.”

“But I’ve been through this before.” My exhaustion took over and my eyes got misty.

“No.” His tone was firm, eyes intense. “You haven’t been through this before. You said when your ex showed you how much of a terrible human being he was, all your friends went with him, right?”

“I’ve always been so desperate to have people, ever since I was little I wanted a village, but not one person has ever really stuck around.”

“They’re a bunch of shit people.” He reached out and tucked my messy hair behind my ear so it was out of my face. “That wouldn’t happen here, Sutton. Quinn loves you, Noah thinks you’re too good for me anyway, Jaxson’s protective of you. Every single one of them cares about you.” He took a breath, his eyes bouncing between mine. Whatever he saw there made him shake his head. “You don’t believe me.”

“I want to,” I pleaded with him.

“I can tell you that we’re all here and no one is going anywhere. It’s what I’ve been trying to show you. That you and Sophie deserve so much better than you’ve gotten and I’m going to make sure you get it. That we’re a family that shows up and stands up when the people we care about need us. That I don’t want to just be your friend, I want to be your everything. I can tell you all of this over and over, but you need to decide to believe it so you can let me in.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered as he let out a sigh. I wasn’t even sure what I was apologizing for.

For being too scared to believe him.

For shutting him out.

For not trusting them all.

For putting him in the friend zone.

“You need time.” He pushed up from the table. “But, Sutton, I’m not going anywhere even when you try and push. I’ll prove that to you every day. I’m not good with my feelings but I can’t stop the ones I have for you. They’ve only gotten more intense the more time I’ve spent with you.”

I didn’t say anything. I just sat there, blinking up at him. His face looked resolute as he bent down, gave me a kiss on the forehead, and then walked out of my apartment. He stopped at the door, hope rising in my chest as he looked over his shoulder at me.

“For the record, I don’t think I ever wanted to be just your friend. You put me in that box. I’ll happily cross that line when you’re ready.”