Page 53 of The Substitute Fiancée

Alexander

Do I really want to ask Sam that question? I don’t know which possibility terrifies me more: the idea that she loved me and doesn’t anymore, or the thought that she might still love me. It’s like opening Pandora’s box. Once opened, nothing goes back in. Am I ready to discover what might come out of it?

I’m not sure.

I realize now that my feelings for her go beyond simple friendship. They’ve been shifting, quietly, insistently.

But everything feels so sudden, so confusing. How can I know whether what I’m feeling is real, or just emotional transference? After all, I was in a relationship with Kristel for three years and never once questioned my feelings about Sam. But we’ve grown much closer over the past few days. Too close to ignore.

Can feelings really change that fast? Am I really the kind of guy who jumps from one sister to the other in the span of a few days?

No. Whatever Kristel may have done, I’m not an asshole.

Getting into a fake engagement to protect my company is one thing. But starting a relationship with Sam now, when I’ve barely come out of a breakup?

Impossible.

Irresponsible.

That said, if she does have feelings for me, I need to be careful not to hurt her. I have to find a way to be there for her without blurring the lines. Even if those lines are already fraying.

The following days pass without any new drama. We keep posting photos of my supposed relationship with Sam, and public outrage gradually subsides. The hateful comments decrease, replaced by messages of support. Our strategy is working. On paper.

David and I work relentlessly to make sure everything is perfect for the IPO.

Fifteen-hour days. Endless meetings. Meticulous attention to every detail.

I come home exhausted every night.

Before going to bed, I exchange a few messages with Sam. Just small talk, to make sure she’s doing okay. But our conversations are brief, almost cold. Carefully contained.

Alexander: Did you have a good day?

Sam: Yes, very good. And you?

Alexander: Exhausting. But I’m holding up.

Sam: That’s good. Thanks for checking in. Good night, Alexander.

Alexander: Good night, Sam.

Our messages are distant and impersonal. I don’t like the space that’s growing between us. The urge to go see her is strong, but I resist. I need distance to sort through my emotions.

The week flies by. I haven’t heard from Kristel again. I think she’s understood that there’s nothing left to salvage. Good. That chapter is closed. At least I want to believe it is.

Friday night, I pick Sam up for our “romantic” dinner—just to make our story believable.

Unfortunately, I’m still no clearer about how I feel about her. I keep thinking about the kiss we shared for the photo. That’s when everything became confusing. Is this a passing disturbance, or something deeper? I need to be careful. I don’t want to do anything that could put our friendship at risk. She means too much to me.

When Sam steps out of her building, she’s breathtaking. She’s wearing the same outfit she wore for our fake engagement. Now that I think about it, her wardrobe can’t be very extensive. I need to keep that in mind.

I get out of the car, place a quick, impersonal kiss on her lips, and open the door for her. My movements are mechanical, deliberately distant. The gesture feels rehearsed. Empty. But it’s better this way. Until I’m sure of my feelings, I don’t want to send her mixed signals.

She smiles at Gilles and exchanges a few words with him while I take my seat beside her.

“How was your week?” I ask.

“Really good,” she replies. “Emelyne and I selected the paintings for the gallery. And my graduation project is coming along well. What about you?”