Page 31 of Home Ice

Kasen points to a house, and I jerk the car into the driveway, but I’m not done.

As soon as I’m parked, I unclip my seat belt and turn to him.

“I deserved to know you. I deserved to see you grow up. And I don’t fucking deserve you putting all the blame on me when I would have done the right thing if I was given a chance. But I wasn’t, and now we’re here, and it’s up to the both of us to work out what we do about it.”

Kasen’s glare is so deep, I can’t even make out the eyes we share.

I let out a long exhale and tip my head forward to pinch the bridge of my nose. I’m not going to cry again, but I don’t know how to get through to him.

“I’m here,” I finally say. “I want to try. That’s all I can give you.”

Kasen sighs, and I think I’ve finally gotten through to him, but when I glance up, he’s back to the carefully blank expression I’ve become used to seeing him hide behind.

“Now, Dad, don’t undersell yourself.” He pops the car door and climbs out. “You can also give me cars and hockey gear. Lucky me. I’ve got a real winner.”

He slams the door behind him, and I watch him all the way up to the house.

What the fuck do I have to do to get through to this kid?

Chapter Ten

TAI

I’ve driven Kasen home a few times over the last year when his mom and grandma had to work and training ran late. Those were always weird times. Where I had to ignore the fact that it was like having Hawke in my car and keep my nosy questions inside.

And as I pull up at the curb now and the real Hawke climbs into the passenger seat, it feels like he brings a raging storm with him. I idle there, watching him, and Hawke purposely doesn’t meet my eyes as he aggressively tugs at the seat belt until he has enough slack to clip it in.

“I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that buying him a car didn’t make everything instantly better?”

His wide jaw flexes as he chews on his words, and then it’s like a dam bursting. “How fucking ungrateful is he? I’ve given him everything he goddamn asked for, I’m showing up, I’m trying to be his friend. And he turns on me every single chance he gets!” Hawke’s breathing like a raging bull. “He blames me for everything—including Carly dying! How is any of this my fault?”

Before he can burst a blood vessel, I reach over and squeeze his forearm. “You haven’t been around kids much, huh?”

“I’ve got a roommate. He moved in when he was nineteen.”

“That’s an adult.”

“Basically a kid,” he mutters, turning to glare up at the house.

Right. It’s time that I get us out of here. Hawke isn’t going to be able to concentrate on anything while we’re lurking out front. “Take it from someone who has worked with kids for a lot of years—as soon as they become a teenager, they lose all communication skills. Do you really think when he asked for a car that he meant it?”

“Of course he did.”

I groan and turn onto the next street. “He was testing you. Look: I don’t want to get involved in all of this. I’m his coach, it’s my job to look out for him, but we were friends once—” It’s hard to think of us in past tense. “—so I’m going to say one thing, and then we’re not going to talk about Kasen anymore. Are you ready?”

For a brief second, curiosity replaces his anger.

“He’s lost his parent. He’s not going to want to go through that again, and he has absolutely no reason to believe you’ll stick around.”

“But—”

“So give him a reason. Stop letting him get to you. He’s pushing you away on purpose to see how you’ll react.”

“He called me the c-word.” Hawke’s voice catches, like he can’t believe it happened.

If Kasen’s resorting to that, their relationship is probably going to be harder than I thought. “Just … try to not take it personally.”

“Sure, because how would someone take that personally?”