Page 45 of Home Ice

“What are you looking at?” he asks, taking a long sip of his beer.

“See, I used to have this best friend. Fun, confident, really good at hockey.”

His lips twitch. “You forgot hot.”

“No, I’m pretty sure that was me.”

One side of his lips pulls up, and my gut gives a little kick.

“You look a lot like him,” I say. “But he was funny. So you can’t be.”

“Fuck you, I’m funny.”

“Wah wah Kasen wahhh.”

His frown sets in like I knew it would. “That’s a big thing to be stressed about.”

“Oh, I know.” I refuse to let his grumpiness affect me. “But there’s nothing you can do about it right now. So are you going to ruin our dinner by being pissed off at the world, or are you going to give me some real conversation?”

My breath stalls while I wait to see if Hawke still knows me like he used to. I’m offering him a chance to forget. To shoot the shit, and have some drinks, and get out of his head like he did at the river.

Through the crowd of thoughts behind his eyes, I swear I see it click. “Are you capable of real conversation?” His eyes shine over the glass as he takes another sip. “You’ve been really good at silence these past few years.”

“If you’d been able to get a hold of me back then, what would you have said?”

“That I was tired and stressed and didn’t think I’d make it.”

I lean forward, elbows on the table. “You? You didn’t think you’d make it?”

“It was a rough time.”

“Bullshit.” As much as it probably was hard to adjust, Hawke would have loved every second. “Be real with me: it was awesome, wasn’t it?”

He mirrors me by leaning forward, bare forearms crossed, making them look larger than usual. “The schedule was grueling, and I thought I was going to be sent back to the farm team so many times. But I did it. Without you.”

“You should be proud of that. I’m proud of doing everything without you.”

“Are you?”

I shrug a little because the whole situation is complicated. “Not easily. But it was nice to know I could.”

“I guess that’s one way to look at it.”

I tilt my head as I study his face. “So … is this the really funny guy you promised me, or …”

A laugh chokes from him. “I was only ever that person when others were around. You’re the only one I could be real with.” Those hazel eyes hesitantly meet mine. “Guess that hasn’t changed.”

“Does it make me a dick to be glad about that?”

“Yeah, it does, actually.” But despite his words, the happy creases by his eyes give him away. “Anyway, that’s who we used to be. Who are you now, Barrett?”

“Now … I’m a slightly lonely workaholic, love my job as a coach, and always try to focus on the positive things in life.”

The happiness disappears as he does a double take. “You’re lonely?”

I don’t want to focus on that. I’m not even sure why I said it in the first place. “There aren’t a lot of options around here for settling down.”

“Burlington is only half an hour away. You can’t tell me there are no men there who wouldn’t jump at the chance to get in your pants.”