Page 51 of Ashborne Forged

I watched, breathless with want, as she ran through the shallows, chasing Koa who tossed her head and powered into the deep water, as the white-gold sunlight shone on Grace’s wet skin.

I knew it would be only moments until she realized I was there. The bond was healing. We were both growing more adept at recognizing it. And though Grace was also learning how to shut it down, as I gave her what help I could, I was also growing better at sensing her. Starting to understand the subtle, but peculiar ways her proximity changed my body.

Kham and Koa were ecstatic, urging both of us to leave all shame or self-consciousness behind and simply enjoy each other.

It wasn’t hard to convince either of us to do that. But with our return to the Keep just two nights away, my thoughts were marred at times with the battle.

I didn’t want to share her.

Worse, I worried about how I’d react to having to leave her in the hands of other men, even in innocent ways.

Her training wouldn’t be conducted purely by me when we returned. In fact, she’d spend far more time with one or another of the brothers, or Ronen. Also, Bren.

It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her—or even them. It was more insidious. A creeping fear. Not that Grace would want another man. But that others would come between us somehow. That I would lose pieces of her. That she might like them more?

I knew I’d hurt her. Made her fear. Her quick forgiveness and willingness to throw herself into trusting me was only evidence of her sweet nature. But I wasn’t naïve. The specter of that hurt would creep up on us when we least expected it. And the others hadn’t hurt her at all.

What would she do the first time I snapped at her without thought, and she was surrounded by men who were thoughtful and careful with their words?

As I watched her play and tease her dragon, I shook my head. I wished we could live out here, away from everyone else, forever.

Then she turned, and the dark smudge I’d left on her neck stood out like a black mark on white sand.

There were small marks on her hip, and breast as well. All of them shaped like my fingers, my teeth, my grip.

I’d hunted her twice more since that first night, and could have happily spent the rest of my days doing that. But after each encounter, when sanity and honor returned, I always found myself in that stammering apology, dread and horror coating my insides. Because each time, I vowed I wouldn’t hurt her this time.

Yet, here she was, her skin not unblemished.

‘You take bruises as well,’ Kham muttered. ‘Your appetites are not wrong… only unique. And your mate appears pleased by them.’

‘Pleased… even though I hurt her.’

‘Hurt and harm are not the same.’

I looked at him, confused. ‘Of course they’re the same—’

‘No, Voski. There are many things in this world that will hurt, yet without them, you cannot grow. Your body will hurt in order to grow stronger. There is pain in giving birth. Pain permeates this world and must be endured, because it is good for you. Harm comes from malice. From selfish motive. Harm is inflicted upon you, for no end but to put you down, or break you.’

I turned that over in my mind. ‘I can see what you’re saying, but often in the moment, they feel the same.’

‘But if your joining leaves her bearing the mark of hurt, and yet you both enjoy it, has harm occurred?’

‘That’s the problem. I don’t know.’

‘Ask her.’

I shook my head. ‘I don’t think she’d tell me the truth. She’s so happy, and so ready to please. I think she fears my rejection more than my aggression. Who’s to say she isn’t enduring one to keep the other away?’

I felt Kham pause. He turned his head, his neck bending so he could meet my eye from the side. ‘See what wisdom you are capable of when you discard your fear?’

I wanted to swell with pride, but also shrank in embarrassment. ‘I haven’t discarded my fear, Kham. Only set it aside.’

‘It is the first step. But to your point… it is possible your mate simply puts herself aside to please you. Though I have observed, even when shocked, Grace appears to thrill for a challenge.’

‘That’s exactly my point, though.’

‘Then, you can only ask her to speak what’s true so that you can know.’