Page 145 of Keeping Score

“What? Nothing.”

“That’s not true.” He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “You’re lost in thought. I know you.”

“I was just thinking…” I started, “it’s a dump in here.”

He laughed.

I looked around. “Looks like we’ve been slacking on the cleaning.”

I had clothes thrown over the couch, cabinet doors open in the bathroom, a blow dryer discarded on the floor.

“Looks like Hurricane Maggie has been through here.”

“I’ve been coming back to get stuff every now and then.” I explained. “I know it’s stupid. I might as well just come back for good. I just… didn’t want to be alone.”

“I get it.” He said, looking around the space we’ve shared for so long. Now a graveyard of memories.

“I’ve missed it.” he admitted.

“I’ve missed you.” I said, despite myself.

“Maggie, I—” But I didn’t hear what he was going to say, because I was already pulling his face toward mine.

His body reacted probably before his mind did. Ours knew each other well. In perfect synchronicity we moved together, until his hands were all over me, remembering something he should’ve never had to forget.

I clawed at the back of his shirt, trying to erase any separation that had ever been between us, while his hands roamed up into my hair, tugging it just enough to angle us into a deeper kiss.

What were we doing? I thought. We’ve been so stupid. Being apart, but not really apart. It’s like it was all leading back to this—

“I’m moving to Michigan.” he said, his lips still hovering over mine.

“What?” I blinked, trying to pull away. As if predicting my next move, his hands came up to cup the back of my head, holding me in place.

“I decided to go back.” he said. “Because—well, I didn’t have any other plan.”

“Oh.” I said shakily. “Oh, okay.”

I would not cry. That would be selfish. Here was Brody, who had never chosen a thing for himself without consulting other people, now for the first time having the chance to navigate his own life.

If this is what he wanted, I would be happy for him.

“What do you think of that, Maggie?” he asked, pleading for something.

Probably for me to tell him it was okay. That it wouldn’t destroy me if he left. That I would manage to survive, somehow.

And for his sake, I would lie.

“I think it’s good.” I told him, nodding up and down like a bobblehead. “Really.”

“What?” he asked, as if he weren’t expecting this response. As if he were expecting the selfish answer.

I couldn’t blame him. It’s the only side of me he’d ever known. I was always selfish when it came to him. Wanting him with me, near me, part of me all of the time.

“If it’s what you want—” I started, but he cut off with a furious shake of his head.

“Do you want me?” he asked.

Of course I wanted him. I think it was pretty clear I wanted him, based on the direction we’d been heading just a few moments ago.