Page 21 of Keeping Score

Which is why I felt comfortable enough to continue.

“I don’t know,” I picked at the dead grass.

“I guess I’m frustrated that everyone seems to treat him like some big supervillain. He’s just a person, you know? He made a mistake, but doesn’t it mean something that he’s trying now? That he’s been trying?”

My dad reappeared in my life a few years ago. A random phone call I never expected to get, but had hoped for my entire life.

And since then, he’d been consistent. He answered when I called. He met with me when I asked to get lunch. He hadn’t disappeared again, the way Liam had expected him to. But still, it hadn’t changed my brother’s mind about him.

“I know it means something to you,” Cassie said with a soft smile. “That’s all that matters.”

“But what about Liam?” I implored. “Don’t you think it’s wrong that he refuses to ever speak to him again? He won’t even give him a chance.”

“I think,” Cassie started carefully, mulling her words over, “that the way people feel about their parents is a complicated thing. And I don’t think there’s necessarily a wrong or right way to do it.”

“What about Lily?” I asked. “Do you think it’s okay that she’ll never meet her grandfather?”

Cassie sighed, as if knowing it pained me but still resolute in her loyalty to Liam.

“It’s Liam’s call to make.”

“But what if he regrets it after it’s too late?” I asked helplessly. “What if Dad dies and Liam is wracked with guilt over having never given him another chance?”

Cassie flinched, and I realized I’d hit too close to home without meaning to. She’d made the decision years ago to cut ties with her own mother, and I knew it was the hardest thing she’d ever done. She didn’t talk about it much anymore, but I knew it still ate away at her more than she’d ever admit.

“I didn’t mean—” I started, but she held up a hand to stop me.

“No, it’s okay.” She shook her head. “But I think in that case, he probably assumes the cost of what he thinks he’s sparing her from now is worth the risk that he might regret it later.”

I understood where she was coming from in one sense. And I understood more that she was probably thinking a lot about her own mother when she said it.

“Do you regret it?” I dared to ask. “Walking away from your mom?”

I watched her body stiffen at the mention of her mother, and from an outsider’s perspective, I knew it was the only thing she could do for her own sanity. Even now, years later, I had to watch the ripple effects their relationship still wreaked on her.

She thought about it for a long time, staring off at the students crossing the campus in front of us.

“No,” she said finally. “It was the right thing to do at the time. But now?”

She looked toward me.

“I’d be lying if I said it’s easy to stay firm in that decision for the rest of my life. Like… what if this time I give her a chance and it works out?”

She shook her head, as if shaking the thought away.

“But then I remember all the times she let me down, and I know I can’t risk it. Not for me, but because of Lily. How could I let that into her life when I know there’s a higher chance of my mom screwing up than there is of her being what we need her to be?”

She blew out a breath.

“I can’t speak for him,” Cassie shrugged, “but maybe Liam feels the same way. Maybe he’s been burned too many times and isn’t willing to risk it.”

Sometimes I thought I was selfish, because I never thought of things like that. Of having to put someone else’s emotional needs before my own.

For Brody, of course I would, but he was so seldom upset about anything. But a child? The thought of it sounded daunting.

Cassie was used to putting people first. It was second nature to her. And for a second, my heart broke because of what she had to go through to get to where she is now. She puts people first because she wants to. Because she genuinely cares about everyone she meets.

Maybe it had something to do with her upbringing. Or maybe it’s just her. Either way, I was hit with the sensation of feeling so grateful to fate or destiny or whatever it is that was in charge of making our paths cross all those years ago.