Page 35 of Keeping Score

“This meaning…?”

“All of this—” he gestured toward the hotel room. “The traveling. The staying in hotel rooms. The being on the opposite end of the country from my family.”

I frowned.

“Are you telling me you think you’re too old for hockey?”

“Aren’t you getting to that point too?” he asked. “Look at our team. We’re playing with kids in their early twenties who have nothing else going on but the game.”

“Don’t shit on them for that,” I said defensively. “That was you not very long ago.”

“I remember,” he said. “It’s nothing against them. It’s just me. I’m not there anymore. This doesn’t mean as much to me the way it used to.”

“What are you saying?” I asked cautiously.

He exhaled—the weary sigh of a man already resigned to his decision.

“I just want to be home.”

I understood where he was coming from. I really did. Did he think I didn’t have a hard time going to sleep in a strange city, leaving my girlfriend alone at home? At least Cassie had Lily with her while Liam was traveling for work.

“I miss Maggie just as much as you miss Cassie.”

“Doubtful,” he countered.

“Do you think I like going to sleep in a strange bed without Maggie beside me?”

“Ugh,” he groaned. “Don’t talk to me about you and my sister in bed. It’s weird.”

“That’s not fair. I have to know about you and Cassie in bed, and she’s like a little sister to me.”

“When the hell have I ever talked about me and Cassie in bed?” Liam growled furiously.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” I countered. “You have a child. I already know.”

“Jesus Christ, Brody.” Liam muttered, running a hand over his face. “You’re really something.”

“Thanks, Cap.”

“That’s not a compliment.”

“Please don’t leave, Liam,” I said, feeling a sudden apprehension in my chest. “I don’t want to do this without you. It would be too weird.”

The thought of flying across the country, warming up on the ice, playing the game without Liam? I couldn’t fathom going through any of it without him. He was the piece of home I got to take with me wherever we went. He kept me grounded.

“Nothing’s decided yet, Brody,” he said, looking wearier than I’d seen him in a long time. “I think I’m just tired.”

I sighed, knowing by the look on his face that was all the talking I’d get out of him tonight.

“I guess I’ll see you in the morning then,” I said, and showed myself out of his room, not knowing where exactly that left us.

I loved my job. I loved hockey—for the sport, yes, but the team most of all. Every day was like hanging out with friends. Cracking jokes. Getting energy out. Feeling important. Included.

And I’d still have that, even if he decided to retire… but the Harbor Wolves without Liam? I’d never experienced that in my whole career. And some selfish part of me didn’t want to. We were supposed to retire together. And yeah, technically I knew that the clock started ticking on your hockey career once you hit your thirties—but I still felt like the fresh-faced rookie who got drafted all those years ago.

Time was a hell of a thing.

I didn’t really notice it passing until I was left with nothing left to do but face the changes.