Page 76 of Keeping Score

“Do you feel lonely, Mags?” I asked her.

“All of the time,” she admitted, staring out at the black water of the harbor. “But here, seeing the lights from the city, it reminds me that there’s life out there. People are still awake somewhere, driving, working, loving. Even when I feel all alone, someone is awake somewhere.”

No. That was wrong. That meant I wasn’t doing enough. I wasn’t being there for her enough. How could I let Maggie feel lonely? How could I have let her feel that way and not have fixed it?

I let her work too much. I let her get too caught up in the shit with Dad and her brother. And I hadn’t been there to pull her back from the edge.

I felt the pressure on my chest—a need to assure her that I would fix it. Whatever she needed, I would do it for her. She wasn’t alone.

I would never let her be alone.

“I know you’ve been upset, Mags, but it’s going to be okay,” I told her. “I talked to Cassie and she’s going to try to talk to Liam—”

“You talked to Cassie about me?” She whipped her head around. “Why would you do that?”

“Because you’re upset. I’m trying to fix it—”

“I don’t need you to fix it,” she countered. “If my brother doesn’t want to ever speak to me again then that’s fine. I don’t care.”

Lies.

“And besides,” she added, trying so hard to keep her voice light. “Cassie is his person now, anyway. You shouldn’t have involved her.”

What?

“Cassie’s your best friend,” I stared at her dumbstruck. “You’re not going to lose her because of what’s going on between you and Liam. It won’t matter to her.”

“Oh, it’s not?” she retorted. “Just like you and Liam are fine since him and I got into all this?”

I stared at her, not quite knowing what to say. Her emotions were running high and more than anything I just wanted to be whatever she needed me to be. I didn’t want to make things worse for her. Just remind her of what she seemed to be forgetting.

“Cassie loves you, Mags.”

“They’re married, Brody. We can all pretend there aren’t sides, but you know that Cassie’s going to stand by him over me if it came down to it.”

“I think you underestimate her loyalty to you. Why do you think she can’t be there for you both?”

“Never mind,” Maggie shook her head, ripping her gaze from mine. “It doesn’t matter.”

She started walking and I panicked.

“Maggie, stop. Please.”

She didn’t. She was trying to outrun something, but I couldn’t figure out the whole picture. I kept feeling like there were pieces I was missing. Things she wasn’t telling me.

“I’m fine,” she said, and the words pierced me.

Lies. Lies. Lies.

Why wasn’t she trusting me anymore? What was happening?

The feeling of being unable to reach her made me want to crawl out of my skin. She was hurting, and I couldn’t fix it. Not without knowing what I was up against.

“I feel like I’m losing you,” I breathed out, reaching out for her arm as I tugged her close to me. “Why do you keep pulling away?”

“I’m not,” she said, feeling stiff in my grasp. “I’m sorry. I’m just overwhelmed and—”

I could pick apart in the silence the word that she was too afraid to speak.