Page 54 of Iced Out Mate

“But what?”

“I don’t like rejection, or emotional conflict. I don’t want to open up a wound that’s already scabbed. I don’t know if that’s worth it.”

“Those things are scary and uncomfortable, but it’s also not a guarantee that any of that will happen. What makes you think he won’t reply with the same kind of optimism and attitude that you have?”

I pursed my lips. Age-old question. Why did I torment myself with the worst-case scenario every time I was confronted with a little bit of doubt and insecurity? “I guess it could go the other way.”

“And it most likely will. If he’s anything like you, then I really doubt he’ll push you away.”

I let go of a deep breath, then took the last bite of my steak and thought it through. Typically, my anxiety would push Jesus out of the way and steal the wheel, but with Miles here, it was like my anxiety was scared off. Like shadows being pushed away by the light. Never truly gone, but made much less stark. Their power leeched away, and shifted in a more positive direction.

“Fine,” I grumbled. If the worst happened then so be it, at least I tried. And if it didn’t happen then that meant Benji and I were back in touch, and that was more than enough to take the chance.

“Fuck yeah,” Miles said. “Send him a message. Right now.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, we already have his social media. Just send him a message.”

Damn. This man really had me in the palm of his paw, didn’t he? All he had to do was blink in my direction and I was listening to any of his commands.

I decided not to fight it. I gave in. Grabbed my phone, opened the app, and searched his name. Sure enough, he was the top hit. I hit Follow, which then allowed me to send him a message. Why the hell did I suddenly feel nervous? My mind went blank. “What do I even say? It’s been like ten years.”

“Say something like… ‘Hey, Benji. I know it’s been a while. I was hoping you’d be open to a phone call or a FaceTime so we can talk…. I want to make things right between us.’”

That was perfect. I typed out every word. Something was needed though. I typed out the last words without trying to second-guess myself with every letter.

Miss you.

I looked up, catching Miles’ encouraging gaze. He gave me a smile. I knew this was the right choice. I pressed send. There. Done.

Holy shit, holy fucking shit. I’d been thinking about doing this for so long. I’d always come up with a new excuse. Another reason to back out. But not this time. Miles helped push me over the edge on this one. It had still been my choice to make but I wasn’t entirely sure I would have made it if it wasn’t for Miles. Having him around made me feel as if nothing could go wrong in this world. I knew that wasn’t actually possible—to have a completely smooth ride through life without any turbulence—but having Miles sitting across from me, encouraging me, his amazing food in my belly and his sweet scent in my lungs, I felt like I’d never have another problem in my entire life.

Things were meant to be. Fate was real. And I had to believe that fate didn’t have it out for me like I thought she had this entire time.

If fate really did want me to suffer, then Miles never would have crossed my path.

“If he blocks me, I’m losing it.”

Miles chuckled at that. “He won’t block you. You’ll see. This is going to turn out great.”

“I know,” I said, actually believing it. I pocketed my phone, feeling relieved that I’d at least initiated some type of contact. I leaned my head back, stretched my neck, looked up at the dark night sky. There was a bright, waxing moon sitting directly above us. In a few days it’d be full, and the two of us would involuntarily shift into our were forms. More beasts than humans. As primal and powerful of a time as it was for us, it was also a vulnerable time. When basic instinct and carnal emotions sometimes overpowered logical thought.

Maybe… maybe if we spent it together, then Miles would feel the fated pull? His heightened senses in his were form could make a difference?

It could have been a crazy idea. I had only been around people in my own pack during full-moon shifts. I wasn’t sure what kind of emotions would overtake me if I was around Miles when it happened. Would I absolutely lose my mind? Would I be able to control myself? Would I tear him apart out of frustration?

Only one way to find out. And after messaging my cousin tonight, I was riding a high of making “fuck it” choices.

I looked back at him, wondering how best to bring this up. I wasn’t exactly great with nuance. “So, uh, the full moon—want to spend it together?”

Yeah. That could have been way more finessed.

Miles glanced up at the sky, following my trail of thought and sudden shift in focus. He turned his attention back to me and searched my gaze for something. I had no idea what for. I sat there, holding his stare, trying to will him to agree.

He took in a breath. Let it out through his nose.

Shit. Was that too big of an ask? Had I crossed some kind of boundary I wasn’t even aware existed? Why the hell couldn’t I do anything right?