Page 60 of Iced Out Mate

Couldn’t do it.

I only found focus once I was out on the ice. That night I played one of the most aggressive and reckless games of my entire career.

Our win felt like nothing. As inconsequential as an ant getting stepped on. The deep, dark void inside me—the one that Miles had fought back with his light and his presence—started to swell again.

It was time for me to close my eyes and dive in headfirst. Fuck it. I wasn’t meant for love, and I had to give up on ever finding it.

Fate could go fuck herself.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Time to Talk

MILES

I sat across from Emmy inside a packed and loud sports bar. The team had come to celebrate, but I came to chug a few drinks and try to piece together what the hell had happened tonight.

“All right,” Emmy said, leaning forward. “Tell me everything.”

“I have no fucking idea.”

But I tried. I told Emmy everything. I started at the end—just like Dyl had taught me—and worked my way back, trying to see a way I could salvage this.

Shock was the only thing I had felt for the entirety of tonight’s game. Disappointment and hurt started to seep in toward the end, but a cold and numbing shock was predominant.

I replayed everything that I’d done and said over the last few days. Trying to figure out where I went wrong. What had I done to push Dylan away? I told him I loved him, I spent a full moon with him, I was honest with him about the fated connection… and there. Like manipulating a patient’s sprained leg to figure out where exactly the damage had been done. That singular thought sent a shockwave of pain through me.

His fear stemmed from the truth. The alternative would have been to lie to him, but I just couldn’t do that. Maybe I should have explained more clearly to him that I thought I had felt that fated pull when we ran under the light of the full moon, but he would just think I was saying that to salvage whatever I could between us. And if he did believe me then he’d just chalk it up to our emotions being heightened because of the shift.

Thankfully there were no players that needed my attention once the final buzzer rang through the arena. I wasn’t sure about the other team, though. The game had been brutal tonight and mostly because of the aggressive plays Dylan pulled off on the ice. Coach had to call him back after the second time he almost started a full-on brawl out there.

“What the fuck’s gotten into you tonight?” Coach shouted as Dylan jumped over the wall and took his spot on the bench, only a couple of feet away from me.

“Just in a mood,” Dylan said from under his helmet. He wouldn’t even look in my direction. I’d been so used to the glances we’d steal toward each other during the games. Even when he was playing, he’d sometimes look over at me and wink before focusing and making a shot or stealing the puck.

Not tonight. He was as icy as the surface he skated across.

I wrapped up my explanation to Emmy. He kept his expression neutral, only a couple of twitches near his square jaw that gave away his surprise. “I don’t know what to do.”

Emmy gave me a look of sympathy. The same kind of expression he’d give me when I’d come to him for advice when we were younger and I had messed something up. When I had gotten a disappointing grade on an exam, when I made my father upset after he found me sneaking out for a party, when I had to break up with my first girlfriend. Emmet was always there to hear me out and offer some advice. It was no wonder he’d become alpha of the Burlington pack. He was a smart, compassionate leader, even when we were just kids.

“It’s tough, I can see both sides here.”

I winced. I was hoping for a more definitive “do this” or “Dyl would appreciate that.”

“But you said you felt a fated pull the other night? During the full moon?”

“Yes. I just wonder if that’ll be enough to get him back.”

“I think you need to tell him. And you need to talk to Coach about it, too. I agree, it’s tricky. But if you really love him, you’ve got to show it. Dylan is a special guy. I think we all know that. He’s soft-hearted and he’s also super empathetic, and that can make him feel a lot of things that he hides behind jokes or a smile. But he’s probably hurting, maybe he’s been hurting, and tonight was just that breaking point. I don’t think it’s irreparable though.”

Emmy shifted in his booth. We were in the back corner near the beer taps at the bar. Our booth was a two-seater and most of it was blocked from view by a large wooden column that was covered in signed and pinned dollar bills.

He was right, of course. Dylan had likely been covering his heart for a while now. Even though I thought I’d been making progress in showing him I was just as in it as he was, there were still cracks forming in the foundation. All stemming from me not feeling the fated mate connection at first sight.

But if I told him about the other night… if I disclosed our relationship to the team… then maybe that would be enough to get him back?

“And,” Emmy said, his voice dropping so that I had to lean in to hear him over the loud hip-hop song playing. “As alpha, I approve of you two. You’re welcome into the pack, so long as you would like to join.”