Page 90 of Breaking Silence

“I don’t think you are, either.” Never taking his eyes from me, he reaches out and eases the .38 from my grasp. “They’ll need your weapon.”

“I know.”

“Rasmussen will want to talk to you.”

I nod. “That’s fine.”

Sighing, he looks past me at Mose’s wrecked truck. Both doors of the vehicle are open, and I know he can see the paramedics preparing to load the corpse onto a gurney. “He try to run you down in the truck?” he asks.

“I should have run. Let him go. I should have taken cover in the—”

“That’s a crock of shit, Kate. He would have killed you if you hadn’t stopped him, and you know it. Don’t tear yourself up over this.”

“God, Tomasetti.” I lower my face into my hands. “God.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

When I don’t look at him, he wraps both hands around my wrists and gently pulls them from my face. When I still don’t make eye contact, he puts his hand beneath my chin and forces my gaze to his. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he repeats. “You got that?”

I look into his eyes. He stares back. He’s so solid and unflinching and kind. It’s a huge comfort knowing that he’s not judging me, that he doesn’t blame me. “It feels like I did,” I say.

“I know it does. It’s not easy taking another person’s life. But that’s part of the job sometimes.”

“I don’t know if I can handle that.”

“You can.”

I feel the burn of tears behind my eyes. The last thing I want to do is cry. Talk about bad form for a female cop. I swipe frantically at my eyes. “How are Ike and Samuel?”

“They’re going to be fine. Ambulance took them to the hospital. They’ll probably spend the night.”

When I close my eyes, I see their small bodies floating in the manure pit. “How could Mose do that to his little brothers?”

Tomasetti shakes his head. “That’s probably something we’ll never know.”

“I didn’t see this coming,” I tell him. “Why didn’t I see it coming?”

“Because you’re human.” He sighs. “None of us saw this.”

That’s not what I want to hear, but I let it go. “I want to talk to Salome.”

“Glock is with her.”

“I need to talk to her.” I start to move around him, but he stops me.

“Kate, paramedics are going to check you out, then I need to take you to the sheriff’s office. Rasmussen is obligated to talk to you.” He sighs. “So am I.”

Only then does it dawn on me just how difficult the next hours will be. There will be interviews and forms and a thousand questions. I don’t care about any of it. All I want to do is see the children, Ike and Samuel and Salome. I want to be the one to tell them what happened to their brother. At the very least, I want to be there when they get the news. But I know that won’t be the case. As of five minutes ago, I’m no longer a cop. Not until the shooting is fully investigated and I’m cleared of any wrongdoing.

I barely notice when the young paramedic crosses to where we stand. While Tomasetti looks on, he runs through the standard emergency medical protocol, taking my blood pressure and asking about any pain. My collarbone hurts plenty, but I don’t mention it. There’s no way I’m going to the hospital.

When he finishes, he looks at Tomasetti and proceeds to talk about me as if I’m not there. “She looks fine, but you might want to run by the ER before taking her home.”

“I’ll do that.”

I wait until the paramedic is out of earshot before saying, “I’m not going to the hospital.”

Tomasetti sighs. “Why am I not surprised?”