Page 13 of Surrender to Love

“Soft, please,” I answer.

“Bet. I’ll pull yours out first.”

“What can I do? I feel bad just sitting here sipping my tea and enjoying the view,” I say sarcastically. He’s almost finished and there’s nothing left for me to do anyway. The bagels are toasted and buttered. The sausage has been cooked, sliced, and placed on our respective plates. And all of the condiments are on the island.

“You can sit right there and let me feed you.” He pours the whisked eggs into the cast iron skillet and it sizzles. A few minutes later, he turns the burner off then spoons eggs onto both plates. Then he joins me. Like every time we eat together, he grabs my hand then bows his head. I do the same as we say our silent prayers. “Amen,” he says.

He watches as I take my first bite, and when I smile at the taste of the perfectly seasoned, fluffy eggs, he nods then digs into his plate. For a moment, we just enjoy our delicious food and I’m grateful. It buys me more time to gather and form the words of my past heartbreak.

Mireya is right. He deserves to know and it’s time I tell him. Since our first night together, I haven’t given my goodies to any other man. He’s the only one who has access to me and my home. No other man has slept in my bed or spent the night. It’s a privilege to be invited into my sanctuary and I haven’t deemed a man worthy besides him. I’ve kept this from him for too long. I just pray he doesn’t look at me differently. That would sting and cause my hurt to resurface.

When he finishes his food, I stand and grab both of our plates. “I’m cleaning up, so don’t bother trying to stop me. Everything was delicious and you’ve done more than enough. Thank you,” I say, truly meaning my words.

After scraping the remnants of food from our plates into the trash, I place them in the sink and start the dish water. I put all the condiments back in the fridge and pantry. Then I wipe down the stove and counter. Once I’m at the sink and my back is to him, I find the courage to begin.

“What I’m about to say is hard for me,” I admit, then exhale. “Please, let me get through it before you say anything. I told you I was divorced but never explained what happened because he hurt me. Well, him and my sister. I never told you that I have a sister because we don’t talk. We don’t have a relationship at all because she is married to my ex-husband. He cheated on me with my own fucking sister and I actually caught them in the act.

“That shit really hurt me. It broke me, actually. My sister, my big sister, was fucking my husband behind my back for almost five months; it started one month into my marriage. Out of all the men in the world, she had to pick the man I married. She was my fucking maid of honor too, the one person I thought would never hurt me, never. But she did, in the worst way possible.” I sigh loudly then shake my head at the memory.

“Well, yesterday, I found out that she’s pregnant, having his baby. Even though I haven’t said a word to my sister in over five years, my mom, in her selfish desire to have her daughters talk, thought it was a good idea to share the news with me. I could have gone the rest of my life not knowing that shit.

“The news put me right back to the day I found her fucking him and I overdid it drinking. I hate it. I really hate that I let them take me out of character, because I mean this with everything in me, I don’t want him. Not at all, and honestly, I don’t know why I even wanted him then. It’s just the betrayal, I guess, him and her, but mostly her. She was my fucking blood.”

To my surprise, I didn’t cry reliving it this time. Sadness and anger definitely penetrate my soul and emotions but not one tear falls. I exhale because it’s over; I told him and am now waiting for his reaction. Thankfully, I don’t have to wait long. His large comforting body crowds me from behind. Then his strong arms encase me and he plants the most tender kiss on the side of my neck.

“Where this nigga rest his head?” he asks sternly.

“Shiro. That’s not important.” I dry my hands then lay them over his.

“It’s important to me. He did some foul, fucked up shit and hurt the woman I love.”

The woman he what?

Loves?

Really?

“You love me?” I ask timidly, almost afraid that I didn’t hear him correctly.

Before answering, he turns me to face him then raises my head so our eyes are locked. “Kyrah, don’t I show you I love you? Don’t you feel that shit? Hell yeah, I love you. Which means I’ll do anything, including hurting anybody who fucks with you,” he says and his words cause my eyes to tear up.

He loves me, and God, I love him too. How can I not and why can’t I just say it?

“You show me and I feel it. I just can’t have my heart broken like that again.”

“I’m not that nigga or any other nigga you’ve fucked with. I’m me and I always protect and love mine and you are mine, baby. My lady and my fucking heart. Let me show you how a man really loves a woman,” he says and the sincerity in his words warms me all over in a way I’ve never felt before.

“I care so much about you, Shiro. I really do, which is why I’m not letting you do anything to him. I don’t want to lose you, especially over a man from my past who doesn’t mean shit to me.”

“I know you love me,” he says, totally disregarding my words. With a smile before cupping my ass, he pulls me in closer then slowly kisses me. “But I’m going to find ol’ boy with or without your help.”

“Shiro, promise me you won’t,” I plead.

“I’m not making a promise I can’t keep. That’s not the kind of man you fell in love with,” he says firmly.

My arms latch around his neck and I raise on the balls of my feet then kiss his soft beard. I inch up to his lips then softly peck them.

“For me, please try. Please,” I exaggerate before kissing him passionately this time. When I feel him grip my ass and lift me, I know I’m wearing him down. After wrapping my legs around his waist, I ask, “Is that a yes?”