Page 76 of Big Girl Panties

I knocked again, a little louder this time.

Still nothing.

"Brooke," I called out, probably loud enough for half the floor to hear. "I know you're in there."

"Go away!" came her muffled voice through the door, and the pain in it nearly brought me to my knees. "I don't want to talk to you!"

"Damn it," I muttered, pressing my forehead against the door. The wood was cool against my skin, but it did nothing to calm the fire burning in my chest. "Brooke, please. Just open the door and talk to me."

Silence. The kind of silence that felt like death.

"Please just let me explain. I know how this looks, but…"

The door suddenly jerked open, and I nearly face-planted into her apartment.

"Fine." She stepped back. "You want to explain? Explain. But keep it down, Mrs. Peterson next door already thinks I'm running some kind of fight club over here."

She looked like she'd been crying. Her eyes were red-rimmed, her cheeks blotchy. Seeing her like this, knowing I was the cause, felt like someone had reached into my chest and started squeezing my heart with a fist.

I stepped inside, and she closed the door behind me. "Thank you. Really. I know you don't have to…"

"What are you doing here, Matt?" Her voice was tired, defeated. Broken. "What could you possibly say that would make this better?"

"I want to explain. I need to explain."

"Okay." She crossed her arms, creating a barrier between us. "Let's start with the big one. Was this all a bet? Was I just some kind of… of joke to you?"

"No." I shook my head emphatically, desperate for her to see the truth. "This was real. Is real."

"Did it start with a bet, Matt?" Her voice got higher with each word, more fragile.

"No, but…" I paused, knowing what I was about to say was going to destroy everything. "I lost a bet."

I watched her face change, watched the realization hit her. Her face went pale, then red, then pale again. "So you lost a bet and…"

"My friends got to pick who I went home with that night." The words came out in a rush, like ripping off a bandage.

Her eyes filled with tears, and seeing them felt like watching someone torture a puppy. "They thought it would be funny because I'm the fat girl, right? Let's see if Matt can go through with it?"

"I'm not going to stand here and try to guess what they were thinking," I said quickly, taking a step toward her. "But I can tell you what I was thinking. When I turned around and saw you, I thought you were gorgeous. There was no hesitation. There was no disappointment. There was no internal pep talk. I saw you and thought, Holy shit, she's beautiful."

I reached out instinctively, but she pulled away like I'd burned her. My arm dropped to my side.

"To me, it didn't matter why they picked you because I couldn't wait to meet you. I was grateful they picked someone I was genuinely attracted to."

She looked down at the floor, shaking her head. When she spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper. "All I wanted was honesty, Matt. You knew how important that was to me."

"I know, and the minute I walked away from my friends and started talking to you, the bet was over. Forgotten. Done."

"I just wanted honesty." She looked up at me, and the pain in her eyes nearly destroyed me. "That's all I ever wanted."

"Brooke…" I ran my hand through my hair. "I'm sorry for not being honest about that one thing, but I'm not sorry for anything else because…"

"Because you never would have met me otherwise." Her voice dripped with hurt. "You never would have come and talked to me, right?"

I felt my lips curve up in a small smile. "Yeah, but not for the reason you're thinking."

"Then what?"