Page 46 of Never Pucking Ending

His father got married to his mother when they were both twenty. Jesse was born only a handful of months later. Frank admitted he only married Jesse’s mother because she was pregnant, which is why that didn’t last long. She stayed under Jesse was almost ten and then disappeared from both of their lives. I’m not sure if I’m grateful for my father bailing months after I was born, but I’m indifferent to his existence.

That isn’t what I want for myself.

I want a loving husband and father. A partner. My equal. Somebody who will be supportive of me as much as I am of them.

Gnawing on the inside of my cheek, I lean against the hallway wall. “You’re right. I just don’t want to disappoint my mom. Or Frank, for that matter.”

There’s a gentle smile tilting his lips. “You couldn’t even if you tried. Trust me.”

Why am I not convinced of that then? Every parent wants their kid to be successful and happy—financially stable and independent. But sometimes it feels like they start looking at the things you don’t have more. I’m doing what I’ve always dreamed of and am supporting myself, I have money tucked away, and a good head on my shoulders. But I don’t have a stable relationship, I’m not on track for marriage, and unless I become the next Virgin Mary (without the virgin part, of course) and carry the next Jesus Christ, I won’t be having kids anytime soon either.

I’m thirty-four, and I know my time to have a baby is limited. My last annual gynecology appointment was the most action I’d gotten in way too long, and she pointed out that I was nearing the geriatric pregnancy stage of my life.

I’d brushed it off at the time, but now…

Now maybe I shouldn’t have.

Jesse is in front of me, lifting my chin to meet his eyes before I realize he moved. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

Normally I’d feel all warm and fuzzy at the compliment, but I don’t. “I’m thinking that being a woman sucks. Men can have babies into their seventies. It’s happened before. But the second women turn thirty it’s like a clock appears and everybody is reminding you that your time is almost up if you don’t make a decision.”

A frown weighs on his lips. “Have people been making comments to you?” There’s an edge to his tone, like he’s willing to defend me to anybody necessary if I just give him a list of names.

It’s so sweet. “Nobody has outwardly told me I’m on borrowed time. Well, except that one guy who sold me my car a couple years ago.” I wince, remembering that encounter that I’d forgotten about until just now.

Jesse stands a little taller. “What guy? What’s his name? What did he say?”

I snort at his protectiveness. “Calm down, killer. It’s not the end of the world. He told me I’m the type of person who should be having kids because I have my life figured out. It was nice. But then…” I sigh, remembering how sweet I thought the compliment had been. “But then he asked how old I was, which was thirty at the time, and he told me I was fooling myself if I thought I had plenty of time to decide if I was having kids.”

If it’s possible, Jesse’s spine straightens even more than it already was and an infuriated look pinches his brows and darkens his face. This man is everybody’s wet dream. “What was his name, Belle?”

I roll my eyes. What is he going to do? Storm to his office at ten o’clock at night. It doesn’t matter. “It was four years ago. It’s fine.”

“It’s obviously not if you’re thinking about,” he says pointedly. “Was his name John?”

Oh my God. “No, it’s not. I’m not telling you his name because it doesn’t matter. I only brought up that situation because it was the first one that came to mind. My point is that women have so much pressure on us to reproduce within a certain timeframe. And that’s even harder if you don’t have a boyfriend.”

That crossed look on his face gets worse at the mention of a man in my life, but I pretend not to notice. “If you were the type to have a kid just to have one, you would have done it by now. You can’t rush into that, and you know it.”

I nod easily. “I know. I told my mom that too when she brought up dating. It’s just hard to process that this is where I am in life.”

He watches me, looking at one eye then the other. His gaze slides down to my nose, then my mouth, and stays there for a hot minute. I don’t know what he’s thinking about, but it’s definitely something when I see that vein in his forehead pulse.

It was a mistake bringing this up. Now he’s tense when he was finally relaxed at dinner. I rub my tired eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m thinking out loud, that’s all. It’s not a big deal.”

His palm cups my cheek, brushing the pad of his thumb along my jaw and barely grazing the edge of my bottom lip. “If you’re upset by it, it is a big deal. I may not be a woman and understand the level of pressure that’s on you, but I do get the desire to have something you’re not sure you’ll get on a specific timeline. You know better than anybody that my career has taken up a lot of time. I don’t know how my teammates with families do it. I really don’t. It’s hard on partners when their significant other is always travelling and there’s less help with the kids. When I become a dad, I’m going to be there for them whenever possible. I’ll witness every step, first word, and first haircut.”

When he becomes a dad.

He’s that certain.

A burning sensation settles in my chest and the backs of my eyes. I don’t want to think about him with other women, especially having babies with them. The burning gets worse, and it takes everything in me not to rub my chest or swallow down the pity tears.

Jesse’s brows furrow more. “What’s wrong?”

I wet my lips. “Nothing.” My voice is hoarse and unbelievable. “Nothing. I’m tired. I should go upstairs and—”

“You’re lying,” he accuses. “Something is bothering you and I want to know what it is.”