Page 160 of Checking Out the Librarian

An unspoken worry that he hadn’t even realized he’d had slipped out. “What if I ruined his career? If he cut his hand in the wrong place or pulled something?”

Jonathan’s knees were bony on the side of Connor’s chest, but the discomfort tethered him to Jonathan.

“You are too kind for this earth.” Jonathan whispered into the skin behind Connor’s ear, but Connor could hear him and he let the words settle into his soul.

“Let’s go back to my apartment tonight, and you can take a warm shower, and I’ll tuck you in with a cup of, I have no idea, maybe mint tea? Wait, do I have mint tea? I have candles. We’ll light a nice relaxing sandalwood candle, and I’ll take such good care of you.”

Tony hadn’t ruined everything.

“I love you.”

Had Jonathan said that? Had he? Who said it, or had the words only been in his head?

“Jonathan?”

No answer.

It was difficult to take a deep breath in this position.

“Jonathan?”

Truth. Only the truth.

“I love you.” It was hard to lift his chest enough to say the words. Hard to breathe. “Do you believe me? My chest hurts. I love you so much. Please believe me.”

“I do, Connor. I do.”

He took another breath filled with the scent of Jonathan.

“I think I love you, too, Connor. I do.”

Jonathan stayed wrapped around him, and that was all Connor needed. He knew there was no thinking about it. He knew Jonathan loved him.

32

FANS OF KALE

Connor slept a lot on Wednesday. He was leaving for the ranch on Sunday, like he’d originally planned, and until then he and Ribby decided staying at Jonathan’s apartment would be more relaxing than being in his house.

He should probably tell Jonathan they were here for four days.

His empty front hallway wasn’t going to give him nightmares, because he knew it was only an empty hallway, but he didn’t need to go there. Not today.

When Jonathan went to work, Connor stayed in bed with the toast and coffee Jonathan had brought him and started to read Rebecca. Not the vintage edition on the display stand, he’d never touch that, but the more recent 80th Anniversary edition that Jonathan claimed he didn’t care if someone handled.

Despite the casual way Jonathan had agreed to let Connor read it, he’d recognized the possibility of a slight panic around the edges of his boyfriend’s lips and found a bookmark so that he wouldn’t accidentally dog-ear pages.

Also, he showered before noon, maybe played too much with Jonathan’s skin care products and with Pawsley, and left the apartment to walk Ribby and acquire an iced latte.

Even after exchanging declarations of love and being told he could use all the fancy equipment, he wasn’t going to use Jonathan’s violently Italian espresso machine without supervision. He did enjoy the professional stylist hair dryer, but there was a reason someone had second-handed the espresso machine, and it wasn’t because it was an intuitive piece of engineering.

He didn’t think about Tony, Monday, or sandwiches. Well, not much. Not constantly, at least.

Reading helped.

He and Hank confirmed plans to play pickleball Friday morning as usual, and Hank wasn’t the type of guy who put questions about his buddy’s public melt-down in a text, so that was chill. And he texted with his family, too. He asked whether his mother wanted him to bring anything from a big grocery store or full-service hardware store when he came.

Really, he was busy here.