Page 63 of Read My Lips

Amusement crinkled lines at the corners of her eyes. “I wouldn’t say swallow it, no. Have a nice night did you?”

“What?” Stealth mode eluded me. My whole face combusted. “No. Why? What did he say?”

“Nothing babes. But he’s predictable, and you can’t lie for shit. I knew he’d dick about with you in the end.”

“No – nothing happened.” Worst Liar in the World award goes to Ben Cooper. “He didn’t seduce me or anything. And he doesn’t date, does he?”

She blurted a laugh. “Oh sweet summer child. Did he tell you that?”

“What?”

She gifted me her full attention for a swift once over, then threw her hands up.

“Not my place. Look, I’m busy, mate. Trust me - you’d be a lot happier if you got over your wangsty existential crisis about whether some Stan in his underpants thinks you look good together, and got on with enjoying whatever overly-complicated situationship you two have got yourselves into so you can both avoid the slightest suggestion of vulnerability.”

My jaw hinged open. “That’s not⁠—”

“Bang on? Spookily psychic? You’re so very welcome. Now, please piss off. I’ve got actual billable work to do.”

Mel Booker’s office was at the very top of the building. Sunlight streamed in through the wall of windows behind her, without hitting one single floating particle of dust. A glass bottle of mineral water from halfway across the world sat on her otherwise empty desk.

Simon, in his suit, still didn’t have a crease on him. Despite Richard’s shirt, I was a mess. Crumpling it up hadn’t helped. Unsurprisingly.

“First off,” Mel stalked back and forth across the wall of windows like tiger at the zoo, “you’re officially suspended.”

She marked the point with her well-manicured thumb. I suspected there was going to be a list.

Simon straightened, growing at least half an inch taller, eyes on me as I fell into interpreting for him. “May I ask why?”

“Oh catch up Simon.” Mel made a dismissive gesture. “We cannot be seen to be propping you up when you’ve been misusing client homes. And the alternative is that it really is Richard, and we’ve created an elaborate, highly fantastical ploy to convince the world otherwise, instead of firing you.”

She raised an eyebrow.

That was absolutely not what we wanted anyone to figure out. It looked bad enough before we released a fake sex tape on the world.

“But that’s entirely laughable,” she continued. It didn’t sound like she was laughing. It sounded a lot like she was telling us she knew exactly what was going on. “No one in their right mind would sanction this kind of cover up. Least of all Mapp and Green. So, you see, your conduct’s being investigated. And you’re suspended. Do not make me use air quotes.”

Simon dipped his head, giving that the due contemplation it deserved.

“Yes. I do see.”

“Second.” Her forefinger came out from her palm. “Your names and your faces need to be everywhere. Together. Sort it out. Press statements. Exclusives. Photographs. Why can I not find any pictures of you on Social?”

Oh I really hadn’t thought any of this through. This really wasn’t going to be as simple as claiming to be in the film and faking footage.

Simon cleared his throat, one finger tugging at the collar of his shirt. “We’ve—um. Been keeping it private.”

“Have you indeed?” Mel hummed, unconvinced. “Three! Give me a reason to believe, and give us a big bloody reveal, before someone starts poking holes in it. Your story’s about as lacy as a French tart’s knickers, and I hate lacy underwear. It chaffs.”

I winced at the visual. Mistake. Mel’s glare was heart attack inducing. Having a shirt on really wasn’t doing anything to make this meeting go more smoothly.

“Let’s not forget your job is on the line, Simon. If everyone out there decides they’re more convinced by the version in which you got it on with an ex-rugby player instead of Benedict here, you’re finished.”

“It’s Ben.” Simon practically growled my name. As if what Mel decided to call me was the most important thing to focus on.

“Excuse me?” Mel gave no monkeys what I was called. Not even flying ones. How had I ever thought any of this was a good idea?

“It’s fine,” I said, and then Simon was the one glaring at me. But Mel ran the company. She did not have to know my name. He did not have to clarify anything about me.