Page 54 of Back Outside Edge

"No, it's not bad, I promise. We need to clear things up, though."

"Fine." In one out of nowhere move, he rolls us over until he's on top. One of the cats makes an irritated meeping noise, and both jump off the bed. Stefan ignores them, body holding me beneath him, even managing to pin my hands above my head.

His mattress is softer than I realized. Some kind of magically supportive pillow under my entire body, covered in impossibly soft fabric. Holy crap; I never want to leave this bed.

The thought fades away when his lips find mine again, hot and searching. It's the first time he's taken control, been the one to hold me down. I let him. If he needs it, I'll give it to him, let the conversation go for the moment after all. He's opened up so much more than I’d expected, and he deserves the reward. The rebalancing, maybe, knowing I can be vulnerable too. That he doesn't always have to be the one giving everything.

I make a token yank at my hands, letting him actively restrain me. I want to give him something that will help him feel even more in control. I have no doubt he'd let me go if I meant it, but he's enjoying the game of pretend. The same one he usually gives me.

He must like the feeling, because he laughs into my mouth and kisses me harder. I can't use my hands to gauge the tension in his muscles anymore, but if his mouth is any indication, he’s let go of at least most of it.

We make out until both of us are achingly hard again, until out of nowhere, he lets go of me and rolls away, flopping onto his back next to me. I guess I'm not the only one who finds denial appealing, though it's less fun when I'm the one being denied. I groan, but let him go.

"Ok, so what do you want?" His voice comes out harder than I expect, and he's looking away from me, staring up at the ceiling.

The abrupt change in mood gives me pause. "Wait." It's my turn to roll over, pinning him now, trying to catch blue eyes doing everything they can to avoid mine. "Did you try to get me as turned on as possible as bribery?"

His bed frame is made of some kind of wrought iron. Oh, the things I could do with that headboard. Damn it. He did succeed at distracting me.

His cheeks are still flushed from arousal, but I swear they turn more red. "No, of course not."

"You so did." I start laughing, and while he joins me, I don’t think he’s feeling it. "You didn't need to. It won’t change my mind."

"Then where is your mind?" There might be fear in his voice, and I want to read his eyes, know what he's thinking.

I reach for his face, tilting it, trying to make him meet my eyes. No luck. All right, fine. "I want you, Stefan. I fought it, hard, but you win. You’ll always win. I don't do relationships anymore, but—"

"Then what are we even talking about?" He jerks out from under me, trying to get off the bed.

"Oh my God, Stefan, chill." As seems to be our pattern, I grab onto his arm, holding him in place. "Let me finish."

"Fine." He sounds as sulky as I’ve heard him to date.

"But," I emphasize the word, "I want to figure something out with you. I don't know what it looks like, and I don't know how we make it work, but I want to try."

"That sounds like a relationship."

"Yeah, it does.” The admission steals my breath for a moment, but I draw in another one and force the next words through my pounding heart. “Because what we have here, this is special. You're special. I mean, God, Stefan.” I grin at him, trying to return us to familiar territory. Less terrifying territory. “I'm in bed with a guy everyone in the world wants. I'm not going to take it for granted."

He turns back to me. But his eyes are clouded, brow furrowed, not acknowledging my attempt to lighten the mood. "I don't care what everyone else thinks. It only matters what you want."

"Like I said, I want you, but you're right, sorry. The fact that you're one of the thirty sexiest men alive shouldn't have any bearing on it." I'm evading, making a joke out of what should be serious. I'm not sure why, except I'm not ready for him to learn how much he affects me.

"But does it?" He sounds so uncertain, so scared that I only want him for his status. Damn it. I’m so bad at this. No wonder I don’t do relationships.

"No, you asshole. I want you because you're you."

His eyes are still stormy. "For what? Sex?"

"No, I want you for everything. I want all of you, or as much as I can have from a different country. What with you being the best figure skater in the world and all that."

Somehow, now I’ve said it, it’s a little less terrifying. I can breathe again. Interesting.

Will he dump me if I fail? Maybe, but maybe it’s worth having him now, even knowing it won't last.

Stefan swallows hard, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Ok."

Chapter 23