Page 54 of Board Games and Broomsticks

Well, there was no point in lying about it now. ‘I … received confirmation from my coven shortly after I completed the third trial. I was supposed to take it on the Winter Solstice. I … was going to tell you,’ Nyssa added, her gut churning at the betrayed expression twisting Elowen’s face.

‘When were you going to tell us?’ the elf asked.

‘After we’d completed the ritual.’ And after she’d made her decision on whether she was going to remain in Nighthaven or not if she passed, but Nyssa got the feeling it was best to keep that fact to herself. ‘I’m sorry, I just … didn’t want to give you all anything more to worry about. The test is my burden, not yours.’

Elowen’s jaw clenched. ‘When are you going to realize that your burdens are our burdens?’ She shook her head. Let out a long, heavy sigh. ‘I thought you were starting to trust us as much as we trust you, but I guess I was wrong.’

Something in Nyssa’s chest fractured. ‘El …’

The elf had already begun walking out of the room. Nyssa moved to get out of bed and chase after her, only for Nyx to let out another warning howl and put more of her weight on Nyssa’s chest.

‘I’ll go check on her.’ Alaric was out of the door before Nyssa could protest, leaving her with just Nyx, who began kneading her chest with her paws in an attempt to comfort her, and Liora, who looked about as upset as Nyssa felt.

‘I should have told her,’ Nyssa said.

‘Probably,’ Liora agreed, fingernails scratching at her blanket. Nails that, Nyssa just noted, had been bitten down to the quick. Liora was always so bright, so positive, that it was easy to forget she was impacted by everything going on just as much as the rest of them.

‘Are you okay?’ Nyssa hated she hadn’t asked her sooner. Liora gave her a too bright smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

‘Yes … well, not really,’ she said, ‘but I will be. We all will. And El will forgive you. Just … give her some time.’

Nyssa didn’t want to. She’d spent so long thinking that any kind of problem needed to be fixed as quickly as possible. That if it wasn’t, it was proof of her incompetence. Proof that every nasty thing her inner voice whispered about her was true. You’ve lost her, that voice said now, cruel and mocking. She sees what a mess you are, and she’ll never look at you the same way again.

Nyssa knew the only way to shut that voice up was to run after Elowen and explain until she understood, until whatever she’d broken between them was fixed. But she knew doing so would only make things worse.

So instead, she focused on Liora. Liora, who had kept her secret despite disagreeing with her. ‘I’m sorry for involving you in this. I …’ She let out a heavy sigh, suddenly exhausted. ‘I’m messing everything up. Again. I thought I was getting better.’ Her voice caught, and Nyssa blinked away the tears suddenly forming in her eyes. Dammit, she was pathetic.

Liora stopped picking at the blanket and lay a hand over Nyssa’s. ‘You are getting better. Growth … it isn’t linear,’ the bard said, voice serious. ‘Mistakes are a part of it. They’re how we learn, so that next time, we can do better.’

‘Except there won’t be a next time. At least not when it comes to my coven.’ There was no way they would forgive her missing something so important. It was not only incredibly disrespectful, but also a sign that she wasn’t taking this seriously. And what coven wanted a head mage like that?

Nyssa sighed. Maybe it was for the best that she’d missed her final test. At least this way, she didn’t have to face failing again.

‘There could be,’ Liora said. ‘I … sort of wrote to your coven when it looked like you weren’t going to wake up, to see if they’d rearrange your final test, and they said they’d consider it. Since then they’ve been … very persistent in getting updates on your condition.’

Nyssa wasn’t sure if she felt relieved or disappointed by this. Honestly, her head was so foggy that all she wanted to do was go back to sleep and not think about any of this for a little while longer. Nyx, as if sensing as much, moved up her chest so that she could rub her forehead against Nyssa’s chin.

Unsure of what to say, Nyssa eventually settled on: ‘Thanks, Li. You didn’t have to do that for me.’

‘Of course I did. I know how important it is to you. I wanted to make sure you still had a chance to prove yourself, even though I …’ She trailed off.

‘Even though you what?’

After a moment’s silence, Liora let out a weighted sigh. ‘I don’t know, I just … don’t understand why you’d even want to take their stupid test after the way they’ve treated you.’

Nyssa’s immediate reaction was to come to her coven’s defence, as she always had done when her grandmother raised her concerns about ‘organized magic’. But her tongue stuck on the words, her stomach roiling as she kept trying – and failing – to force them out.

‘… It’s always been my dream,’ she eventually said, ‘and I’ve worked so hard for it. If I let go of that, then the past decade of my life has been for nothing.’

‘I don’t think that’s true, and I don’t think you really do, either. You know I’ll support you whatever you decide, I just … hope you consider why you want to take the trial. Is it because you want to, or is it because you want your coven’s approval. Will you do that,’ Liora asked, ‘for me?’

Nyssa’s throat was too tight to offer more than an acknowledging nod.

‘Thank you,’ the bard said simply as she stood up. ‘Now you should try to get some more rest – it’s only three more days until the full moon and we really need you back at full strength if we stand any chance of completing the ritual.’ She leaned over and kissed Nyssa’s head gently before quietly leaving the room.

As Nyssa watched Liora go, her mind began whirring furiously, thoughts racing round her head. She had always thought her status with the coven was directly related to how powerful she was. But if that was the case, then why did she feel more connected to herself and her magic in Nighthaven than she ever had in her covenstead?

It was a question Nyssa didn’t have to consider for long. Not when she’d known the answer for a while now.