Page 66 of Rising Star

She caressed my hair and leaned back. “Maddie, you’re doing a lot better. What angers you, other than being injured, can be concluded to two things.”

“What?”

“Missing your man and the tour. You two were just beginning to acknowledge what you were to each other. Those first moments got lost in the chaos of the accident. They’ll return. When the timing is right. You should call him.”

I snapped my head in her direction. “I was about to go on a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and it got stolen from me. I’m missing it all. I thought my life was finally making sense and pouf! All gone. I missed two months, Ems. Two months I’ll never get back.”

“Why don’t you accept they come to visit you? You’re both miserable. Sam loves you, Maddie. He’s really trying to give you your space like you begged him to and to just focus on the girls, but it’s been hard on him too. Every time I call to update him, he sounds a little angrier.”

“He can’t fly here every time he has a day off. I’m not the priority here. The girls are. And that’s what matters.”

“Maddie, you matter too. To all of us, you do. Stop convincing yourself otherwise. Stop putting yourself last. It’s okay to wanna be a priority too. Nothing wrong with that.”

I cocked my head to avoid her piercing gaze. “There’s so much rage boiling inside me. I’m restless. All I wish for is to get full use of my two legs. And my independence. To do what pleases me instead of having to ask other people to gimme a hand. It weighs heavy to feel incapacitated.” I paused. Some of my wrath melted as I spoke the words that were poisoning me. “Ems, I’m tired of being angry, you know? I want my life back. I want it all back. The way it was.”

“The girls called this morning. While you were sleeping. You should at least video chat with them. And let them visit. It would be beneficial to all of you. They don’t understand why they can’t come to see you.”

I parted my lips to argue, but my sister kept going.

“I understand your point of view. But try to understand theirs. They are just little kids. It’s stressful for them. When you got injured, their lives changed overnight too. What they had known for months was taken away from them without any explanation or heads-up.”

Her hand reached for mine.

“All those years ago, when I got you out of that hell, you asked for them. Even though deep down you knew their actions were hurting you, the kid in you couldn’t imagine a life without them. You told me once you would have a hard time walking away from Mikaella and Justine after the tour because they had already been deceived before by an adult who was supposed to love them. And now, you got taken away from them too. The least you can do is not break that bond you guys share. And reassure them you’re still part of their lives. If that’s what you wish too. Deep down, I’m pretty sure it is. You guys are all hurting. Why not rely on one another to go through this episode instead of doing it all on your own?”

“But—”

“No buts, Maddie. I’m trying here. I really am. At one point you’ll have to snap out of it and just take the control of your life back.”

“I’ve been on bed rest for weeks. I don’t want to suck them into my darkness. Some days, I feel like I’m stuck under piles of bricks. My entire body hurts. I wake up at night in sweat because the pain paralyzes me. How am I supposed to feel like myself? And as if that’s not bad enough, I’m scarred all over my lower half. I know it will look like I’ve been cut open. Oh wait, I was.”

My sister didn’t let go of me as she watched me while delivering the next few words. “You could be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of your life. Or missing both legs. Would you rather be unable to walk ever again?”

“Yeah, okay, I sound ungrateful. Sorry to be a pain in your life.”

“You’re not. I love you. But enough is enough. Let’s eat out tonight. Trust me, it will uplift your mood.”

I remained silent.

“Let’s get you changed first.”

“Ems, I’m not going,” I said with a pout. “I’m entitled to one more day of self-loathing.”

“Guess you’ll wear that cast until you turn fifty. Or maybe it will disintegrate in a few years if we’re lucky.”

I poked my tongue out at her, and she just shrugged.

“I’m not supposed to celebrate being handicapped,” I said after a long pause. “It’s wrong.”

“We’re celebrating your cast being removed. Come on. Help me out here, Maddie. Getting rid of this smelly thing”—she pointed to the cast on my leg—“is one more step toward healing. You should be proud. Not see red.”

“I’m just not ready. To see how bad it looks underneath,” I finally admitted.

She signed. “There will be scars. Sure. But perhaps you imagine it worse than it is in reality. I’m not saying it will be all pretty and perfectly healed, but I’m sure you’d be surprised how it’s better looking than what you have pictured in your mind.”

“Sliced flesh is a sight I can’t miss. You’re right.”

“Go. Be dramatic, Maddie,” my sister added. “Let me know when that dress is on, and I’ll do your hair and makeup. You’ll see. It’ll make you feel beautiful. It’s good for the spirit.”